How we all move into adulthood is not uniform. It is not just turning 18, being able to vote or legally being able to buy alcohol. I remember Ben saying to me after his graduation at the age of 22…”that’s it now Dad, I am an adult. No more student loan and full-time education, I have to find my own way now.” He had been living away from home for 3 years by this point, but in his mind graduating from University was the turning point for him. He as he said, now had to find his own way. There are others who will see the transition to adulthood happening when they become 18 and no longer have to undertake education and get a job. For some it is leaving home. My youngest son Jack left home to go to University and now he has graduated he has come home. His transition to adulthood is very different from his older brother who never came home. Both have their challenges. Ben has complete independence and is able to make decisions both helpful and unhelpful without the well meaning interference of his parents. However the financial burden of living independently is extremely challenging at the moment. Jack has less of a financial burden living at home, his challenge however is learning to live in a house with his parents as an adult.
As a work-life balance coach I work with parents and/or young people to support the family attend to the challenges they face, and that includes when children are getting ready to become adults.
Becoming an Adult
I know legally there is a moment when we become an adult, the day of your 18th birthday. As mentioned earlier though rarely is that the day that you become an adult in your behaviours, and attitudes and beliefs. That is much more a slow burn, and often a painful angst ridden one. It starts in our early teens as we push boundaries and experiment with seemingly adult decisions. I wasn’t very rebellious as a child but I do remember sneaking a cigarette from my mum’s packet of Regal King Size , then finally graduating to buying my own, and stealing cans of Heineken at family parties with my cousins, to eventually moving on to underage drinking in pubs. It is all very exciting and makes us feel all grown up. We eventually start to push back and reject some of the rules imposed by our parents and sometimes society and we start to forge our adult identity. Essentially though we are still children and very dependant on our parents to make important decisions and sustain us. As we get older the transition becomes complicated and we all have different experiences depending on the choices we make as young people and the choices our families make. Some of us will start work at the 16 or 18 others will go onto higher education. Some of us move smoothly to adulthood, others less so. It just depends on our personality, our values and how our families operate.
What my coaching will do for your teenager
When we have finished working together they will be clear what is important to them(what their core values are) Why is this important? Being clear on what their core values are helps them make decisions and plans that are true to them and are not influenced by what they think they should do but what they truly believe is important.
They will also have a clear idea of how they view the world and what motivates them, this will give them confidence to navigate the transition to adulthood that is responsive to their personal circumstances.
My approach uses the following steps:
- Connecting with who they are and the stories they use to describe themselves
- Identify what they value
- Understand the reality of their current circumstances
- Identify what is helpful and unhelpful in what they are currently doing
- Letting go of their unhelpful behaviours, thoughts and beliefs
- Plan actions that meet their values
I cannot guarantee that your child will command a 6 figure salary, but I can guarantee that they will understand themselves much better and be able to confidently become an independent adult.
In summary moving into adulthood is rarely straightforward and the same for everyone. We all experience it in different ways. My values based approach to coaching young adults allows them to understand what makes them tick, and what they value. This insight gives them the tools to navigate this transition in a way that meets their needs.
If you or your child would like to know more please get in touch either by email (matt@mattycoach71.com) or direct message me through the social media platform that you used to access this blog.
Connected Coaching 