Firstly I realise that some people that read blogs via wordpress are based in the US, so when I write football, I am writing about soccer.
Football has only relatively recently become a part of my life, when I was growing up I only paid attention to the FA Cup and and World Cup. In fact sport in total played a bit part in my life. Sport was a male dominated past-time in the 1970s and 80s. My Mum and Sister had little interest in sport and as they provided the most input in my life when I was growing up then it goes without saying that sport did not hold a lot of interest for me. My Dad was absent for most of my childhood and my brother is 10 years older than me and was busy leading his own life. Saying that neither my Dad or Brother were particularly interested in sport anyway. I was also fat and considered myself no good at sport which was enthusiastically reinforced by my peers in their feedback on my ability at playing football. However due to my size I was passable at Rugby (as a prop forward and later a second row). My skill was limited to my ability to lean on people and push them over, and basically if you were interested in playing Rugby at our school you were in the team. I hated playing Rugby it was painful and most people that played beyond our school team were very unpleasant (far too much testosterone), but I felt the need to play a sport to attempt to fit in and show my Dad I could be macho and get his approval. It was a pointless activity as he was not interested in whether I sporty or not. I think he had given up on me being macho a few years previously when I had dropped out of being a Royal Marine Cadet on account of me not being able to swim and terrified of everything they did and everyone else that was there.
When I left school and came to Hull I stopped playing sport and returned to having a passing interest, and only occasionally attempted to appear macho. I was a student nurse after all that was interested in Music, and the only macho past-time I was interested in was chasing girls. I was not really interested in watching football or rugby. I went to one professional football match when I was student nurse and a handful of ruby matches (I was living in Hull which is Rugby League country). I realised quite quickly that I found rugby more baffling to watch than football. In fact to this day I really struggle to watch rugby, then again I never really understood it when I played it. Basically it a lot of running around leaning on people and falling over, which is all very tedious. I didn’t mind watching football on the TV if it was on or if it was the FA Cup or World Cup and then later the Euros (from 96 onwards), and I quite enjoyed the spectacle.
When we had our children my relationship to football changed, and it was more to do with Lisa than me. Lisa wanted to make sure our children were socialised properly and fitted in at school. She wanted them to have a wide friendship cirlce. We both wanted our children to be socially successful above everything else. For us having a strong social network is really important. As I have mentioned before one of my core values is connection and I would suggest that a strong value for Lisa is belonging as well as connection. With that in mind Ben and Jack both played sport at school and at clubs. They both joined football teams and became successful members of those teams. In that I mean they played at the right level for their ability and consequently enjoyed playing and built friendships. Lisa also wanted me to take them to football matches so we started going to the odd Hull City game in the 2006/07 season and 2007/08 season (the latter being the promotion to Premier League season). We both felt they were too young to go to the play off final in Wembley. Full disclosure I went with my friends and had a great time, even though I missed Dean Windass’s goal. It wasn’t because I had gone to the toilet or anything. I had momentarily drifted off and was day dreaming about something (I was still getting into football and clearly I did not have the same amout of emotional history as lots of other people there). The next season (2008/09) was our first full season as a family (myself, Ben and Jack). They were hooked and have been fans ever since. It was our time together every other week (more or less) it was so special, and something I never had as a child. I am so grateful that Lisa encouraged that to happen, I could be the Dad I wanted to be. We had an amazing time topped off with two more trips to Wembley for the FA Cup semi final and final. When Ben was 16 he drifted from the football (more accurately he drifted from me) and wanted to do his own thing instead of going to football with his Dad and little brother. So it was just me and Jack at Wembley for the 2016 play off final. Then Jack started to get to an age when he didn’t really want to go with his Dad and we stopped going. Jack and Ben went to the odd away game with friends and then they both went away to Uni. They still both went to away games and kept their passion for City.
After University Jack moved back home, and we started going to the odd the game together again. This season I asked him if he wanted a membership again so we could go more often. So we did, and what a wonderful season it has been. Completely unexpected, we all thought that a mid-table finish would be an a great success. Most importantly I cherish the Saturday afternoons I have with Jack. Now we have a game another final at Wembley to look forward too and Ben is going to be with us. I am looking forward more to spending the whole day with both of them more than the football. I love watching football now, but the best bit about football is the time I get to spend with my boys, and the text conversations with have.
That is why spectator sports are so important in our society, especially for men. It creates a connection a space where you can express your emotions without feeling out of place. A place where you can talk without really talking. For me it is something that I can share with Ben and Jack, something that will always be ours. It is place and something that can hold so many different meanings for so many people.
UTT
Connected Coaching 