Another day of feeling pants. Washed out, aching, tired, and detached from the world.
There have been positives, I was rung by a physio and had a telephone assessment and she sent me my exercise regimes, which I can start once I have finished my antibiotics.
We all had a moment to reflect and remember, healthcare workers, carers, bus drivers, shop workers and other key workers. People who should not die because of the job they do. This is so terrible, I am not sure if it is a scandal or if it is just a terrible tragedy. We can take stock and ask questions later. For now we need to mourn and carry on living and making a better future.
So I started today feeling sorry for myself and a little anxious. Now I am determined to recover, but recover fully so I can make a difference. I also felt it is important to continue to write this blog, to help me and maybe some of you make sense of what is happening to us, not get bogged by what we cannot change and take action over what we can change.
With that in mind I decided to use something other than myself to support my wellbeing. This morning before I got out of bed I could feel my demon returning. For those of you that have read my blogs over the years will know I call my demon Foggy. Foggy is my depression, my black dog. I noticed him for the first time in a while this morning. He is always around but recently he has been irrelevant and rather ridiculous. This morning he was dark and menacing and had a much loader voice. I managed to shrug him off this morning by paying him attention and letting him drift into the background. But I know this could become an issue. I know I need to quieten my mind, and create some perspective on what is real and what is just a perceived worry or regret. Through the NHS we have access to the Headspace app. This is something I used a few years ago with good effect alongside exercise and positive activities. So I downloaded it and started using it. Even just one session helped me calm my thoughts and bring me into the present.
If you have a smart phone the Headspace app is worth searching for in the app store. If you have an NHS email it is free to use and if not then you get 14 days free anyway. There are lots of other mindfulness apps it is always worth checking the apps against mental health websites such as Mind as they will always recommend worthwhile apps.
If you do suffer from mental health problems though it is important that you seek professional support. Support is still out there regardless of COVID-19.
Stay home, stay safe, and look after yourselves.