Before I start my blog. Its the 20th June!! We are half way through the year!! How did that happen? I suppose it has been a hateful year and we will all be glad to see the back of it.
Anyway I have been feeling a lot better this week. Now I am not sure if it is the antihistamines and vitamin D that are working, or that I was just going to start feeling better anyway. But I am feeling better so I will take that. Also I am not sure if this need to take antacids (just Rennie) is a sign of my age or the after effects of COVID-19. Now I can work on my fitness again and start building up my daily activity.
I have noticed this week that I have had to pay attention to my emotions. I had my first moment on Monday when I received an email from the Great Manchester Run. In May I was supposed to take part in the GMR raising money for Cancer Research. Well it was initially postponed until September. That brings me back to the email, which was to inform all of us that they had decided to cancel this years event. It wasn’t a surprise, I wasn’t shocked by it. As I read the email though I had an overwhelming feeling of sadness. I was running this race to raise money for Cancer Research, is which is very close to my heart. My mum is having treatment for cancer and this was my way of doing something to help her and everyone else undergoing treatment. A cancer diagnosis makes you feel so helpless, and this was my way of having some control. For a moment this was taken from me, and I felt incredibly sad. I say for a moment because I am still going to run 10km in September, only it will just be me running around Kirk Ella, Anlaby and Willerby. I am still going to raise money and do my bit. It will not be the same, but it will be emotional all the same. I will share my giving page soon, so please feel free to sponsor me if you can.
Mum was getting some results this week (they were ok) and results weeks always heighten my anxiety, even more so now we are in lock down. Now I live in Hull and Mum lives in Chester so I never saw her frequently, but somehow having the isolation rules seem to make it much worse. I speak to her everyday and that conversation with her is the most important thing I do. It keeps me sane, it makes me feel content. We both agree it is not the same as a hug but it is the next best thing.
I am enjoying working from home, not having to commute is great. I get up have my breakfast, take the dog for a walk then start work. When I have finished I go upstairs and get changed, then that is it my day is over. I am still managing to do all that I did previously just in a different way. I am managing to coach more people as we do not have to find rooms and travel between sites. I am getting more writing done than I would normally. What I am noticing is that the incidental contact is less and the casual conversations with a wider group is not happening. This has given me a feeling of missing out this week. Then I still manage to communicate both socially and work related with my colleagues every day, especially now we are using the instant message and phone service (Cisco Jabber) meaning that I am fully connected with everyone.
I have noticed that I have been grumpy and feeling sorry for myself this week. To be honest I am willing to accept feeling a bit pants this week. Even though I have felt down in the dumps, I have managed to articulate what I was feeling. I was feeling sad and isolated from my mum, and that is a perfectly good reason to feel sorry for myself. I have also recognised that I have a conversation with her everyday and have done for over a year, so I speak to her more now than I have done since I left home 30 years ago. So I feel sad, but I have so much to be grateful for. I have also managed to take control and make a plan for completing the GMR sans Manchester. I promise I will share my giving page. In fact here is the link if you want to donate. https://fundraise.cancerresearchuk.org/page/matthews-giving-page-602
It has been an emotionally challenging week, but on reflection is full of positives.