Background and Timeline for Forget All Future Plans

This is the introduction into the world of Forget All Future plans, which is the project that came out of COVID and turned into a personal project about grief and loss. It is not a finished project and will unfold on here as I write more content over the coming months. Some of you will have read this and episode one via my Substack page. I have decided to do this important piece of writing where I feel more comfortable so I have come home. I apologise for repeating this content, in the next few weeks new content will appear. Anyway here is John and his world. Hopefully this will help you make sense of the story as it unfolds.

John works for the NHS in a non-clinical role. He is 40 years old when the story starts. He has had a string of relationships since getting divorced 6 years ago. His ex (Angela) is a Nurse who works at the same hospital, she has remarried. They got married when they were both 23. They have a 15 year old son (Toby). Toby lives with Angela and her new husband (Simon) and their 2 year old daughter (Jessica). John trained as a Nurse at the same time as Angela, he did his children’s nurse training, and Angela did her adult nursing.

Timeline

Born 12/11/1979
John’s mum and dad get divorced in March 1989
John’s Mum (Jane Cummings) remarries to a retired Policeman David Cummings April 1992
John moves in with his Dad (Patrick Colbourn) after not getting on with his step dad September 1992
John moves in with his older sister (Rachael Pollard) when he falls out with his dad March 1996
John’s older brother (Mark) emigrates to Australia to work as an engineer. (1996)
John loses his virginity to the manager of the shop where he worked at weekends and evenings (Carole she was 10 years older than him) on his 18^th birthday 12/11/1997
Left school 1998
Started Uni Autumn of 1998
Started a relationship with Angela in March 1999
Graduated 2001
Started work as a Staff Nurse on a Children’s General Medical Ward in September 2001
Bought a house with Angela November 2001
Got engaged to Angela in February 2002 (on her 22^nd Birthday 14^th Feb)
Married Angela on 14^th June 2003
Honeymooned in Bodrum, Turkey
Started MSc in Advanced Nursing Sept 2003
Angela tells John she is pregnant in May 2004
Completed MSc in August 2004
Promoted to Band 6 Junior Charge Nurse in October 2004
Toby is born on 20^th February 2005
Started cert ed in Jan 2006
Completed cert ed Dec 2006
Took a nurse lecturers job at the uni in Jan 2009
Angela started job as Nurse specialist in Cystic Fibrosis service in September 2010
Starts affair with Sally Johnson fellow nurse lecturer in March 2011
Best Man for Steve Grant (CEO of Charity) best friend August 2011 married to Emma (Midwifery Sister)
Affair with Sally ends in December 2011 when her husband starts to suspect
Angela finds out about affair in Jan 2012 (they try to make it work)
John sleeps with Isobel Morris a staff nurse from his old ward in Sept 2012 and starts an affair.
Angela catches John on the phone with Isobel October 2012
John and Angela separate in November 2012
John starts renting a flat in the centre of the city December 2012 after sofa surfing for a month
Angela and John are divorced Jan 2014
John buys a house on new estate on outskirts of City
John starts work back at Hospital as Clinical Nurse Educator in April 2014
John starts Masters Degree in Coaching Jan 2015
Angela gets married to Chris Jones (a partner in a Law firm) August 2016
John starts work as Organisational Development Business Partner in the Trust Jan 2017
John completes his Masters degree in coaching Feb 2017
John starts a relationship with Naomi Bryant (a project manager) March 2017
John’s mum dies in May 2017 (suddenly in a car accident aged 67)
Naomi moves in with John Sept 2017
Naomi and John split up Naomi moves out. Feb 2018
Angela and Chris have a baby (Jessica) March 2018
John starts relationship with Helen Goyal a Specialist Nurse Sept 2018
John’s Dad is diagnosed with lung cancer August 2019
John rekindles his relationship with his dad who he has not spoken to for nearly 20 years and only briefly saw at his mum’s funeral. August 2019
John increases the amount of time he spends with Tobey as he is struggling living at his Mum’s house Sept 2019.
John spends Christmas with his sister, her family (her husband Sam, and daughter Victoria 22 and her partner Anna) and Dad, Tobey comes on Boxing Day after spending Christmas Day with his mum, Chris and Jessica. Dec 2019
John goes on holiday with Helen to Australia and meets up with his brother and his family. Jan 2020 (wife, Saskia, daughter Mia (18) and son Adam (20))

Angela Jones: John’s ex wife. 40 years old Specialist Nurse in the Cystic Fibrosis team. She divorced John because of his repeated infidelity. However she had been having an affair with Chris her now husband. John never found out probably because he was so busy having his own affair. She has 2 children, Tobey who is 15 and is John’s son and Jessica who is 2 and Chris’ daughter. Her parents very actively support her with childcare. They are both in their late 60s and her Dad recently had a heart attack and has type 2 diabetes. Her mum use to be a nurse. Mum is called Susan Shakesby and her dad is called Terry. She has known John since she was 18. She is constantly irritated by him although she knows his heart is in the right place, he has just never grown up.

Chris Jones: Angela’s husband, partner in a law firm. 42 years old. Met Angela at a Christmas party when she was still married to John. She looked sad, she was convinced that her husband was playing around. They had a young son and she was feeling vulnerable. They got talking and got on really well. It went from there and their friendship became physical. He was amazed John never found out. He specializes in Conveyancing. He adores Angela and his daughter Jessica who is the light of his life. He went to public school and a red brick university. They live in a leafy suburb in a 4 bedroom detached house. He loves Tobey although their relationship has been strained since Jess was born. He thinks John is a nice guy but not very reliable as a parent.

Steve Grant: John’s best friend. Known each other from school. He studied business and law at university. Worked in private and voluntary sector. Worked for various national charities, until being offered a CEO role in 2018 for a local community charity. He is married to Emma a Midwife and they have one child Benjamin born in 2015. They live in a leafy suburb of the city.

Emma Grant: Steve’s wife. Works as a midwifery sister on the Post Natal ward. Met Steve on when she was a student nurse (she trained the same year as John and Angela). They were friends for a while before starting a relationship in 2010, and then got married in 2011. She is still good friends with both John and Angela. Although she thinks John is a fool and a hopeless romantic. Benjamin is 5 now and has started school. In 2019 she got promoted to the Sisters role on the Post Natal ward. Steve’s Mum and Dad provide the vast majority of the childcare as her Mum and Dad live in Spain.

Patrick Coulborn: John’s Dad. Aged 71. Divorced from John’s Mum in 1989. Never got remarried, however he is always in a relationship that are generally shortlived. Like his son people often describe him as a hopeless romantic. He has two other children both with John’s Mum. Mark eldest born in 1970 and Rachael born in 1972. Retired engineer working in the Aerospace industry. He is really proud that Mark has followed in his footsteps and become an engineer. He really misses him now he lives in Australia and is so pleased he has managed to visit him on 2 occasions, the last time being Christmas 2018. Before his cancer diagnosis. Rachael is the apple of his eye, his princess. When Victoria was young he would help with childcare whilst she was studying to be a Nurse. He loves John, it is just that John is wont grow up. He reminds him of himself when he was younger. The love he has is never good enough, he is always looking for the next love of his life. He is disappointed with his choice of career. They had a big row when John was a teenager and living with him. He had moved in with him, because his mother and step father could not cope with his behaviour and unwillingness to live by their rules. Pat thought he could keep him on the straight and narrow by pointing out the pitfalls that he had encountered in his wild youth and continued to make mistakes into adulthood. But to be fair Pat wasn’t cut out to be a responsible parent and ended up spending more and more time out on the town looking for female companions. John was left to his own devices and was not working hard enough to get the exam results needed to be an engineer. This caused arguments as Pat could not understand why he was not disciplined enough to study for a dream profession. Pat dismissed John’s idea of being a Nurse, and would ridicule him about it, calling him a sissy. This culminated in them having a blazing row that resulted in punches being thrown. John stormed out of the house and refused to have anything to do with Pat until 2019. This broke Pat’s heart but he would not apologise, and not back down. Nursing was no job for a man, and John needs to grow a pair if he gets so upset over a fight. Well, that was the story he tells himself. Really he would have loved to apologise but his pride would not let him, not until he got his diagnosis and he and John both broke the ice and reconciled in a very emotional afternoon in Rachael’s front room. He just wishes Mark was with them right now, but he knows he is coming to visit in the spring so that will be wonderful.

Rachael Pollard: John’s big sister. 48 years old. Works as a Health Visitor manager. Married to Sam since 1997. They have one child Victoria who is 22 and has just qualified a OT. Loves John dearly, but he does exasperate her with how he lives his life and seems to be following in his fathers footsteps despite vowing never to live his life like his dad. She is really proud of Victoria. She was inspired to do her nurse training by her brother. She started her training in 2000, when Victoria was only 2. Sam and her father were very supportive and between the 3 of them they were able to manage child care without Victoria having to go to strangers.

Sam Pollard: Rachael’s husband. 50 years old. Works as a marketing manager for a packaging firm. Rachael is the love of his life they have known each other for 25 years and have been married for 23 years. When they met it was love at first sight. He really gets on with John. Victoria is his princess.

Helen Goyal: John’s current partner. 42 Years old. Specialist Nurse (Diabetes). Divorced. Was married to Consultant Intensivist Naresh Goyal. She moved from London after the divorce in 2016. She had seen John around the hospital and thought him interesting. They met when he was facilitating a team development session which she was involved in. They got on during the day and then John emailed her inviting her out for a drink. They have been seeing each other regularly. They are an item but she will not move in with him. She wants to keep her own place so they meet up regularly. They spend most of their time at John’s now Tobey has moved in with him. They do have at least 2 nights a week apart.

Mark Coulborn: John’s older brother. 50 years old. Engineering Consultant. Emigrated to Australia at the age of 26. Married Saskia in 2000, Mia their daughter was born in 2002. Live in Brisbane. Mark works for consultancy firm, consulting on big construction projects. Has a good relationship with his dad. Has had a strained relationship with John. He gets frustrated with John’s laxed attitude towards his life. Mark hates chaos. That is why he left the UK to get away from his chaotic family. Privately he is heartbroken about his mothers death still, and is finding it really hard to acknowledge his Dad’s diagnosis. He was glad John came to Australia recently with Helen. He likes Helen, she seems very sensible and he hopes she will have a positive impact on him. Mia has just started university reading medicine. He is incredibly proud of her. His life is in Australia, he can never see himself living back in the UK. Saskia is from Australia, she is a successful Orthopaedic Surgeon.

Sally Johnson: John’s ex lover. Aged 45. She used to work with John at the university. She now works in the same trust as John as a Matron specializing in quality and continuous improvement. She has recently got married, after getting divorced from her first husband. She has a love hate relationship with John. Professionally she has a lot of time for him, but personally she thinks he is superficial and really could do with facing his demons, and taking responsibility of his life.

Victoria Pollard: Aged 22. John’s niece. OT. Works in another city. Really enjoying being an OT. Loves her uncle John (he is so much fun). She lives with her partner Anna Smith who has just finished college and is qualified as an embalmer and works for a national funeral care provider. She was really worried about coming out as gay in her late teens. Uncle John was a really big support. He spent many evenings talking to her and was there for her when she told her mum and dad. There were both fine, there was lots of tears but it was just as Uncle John had said.