This week I started a new role at work. I have not changed my job completely, I am still the Teacher Practitioner for the Children’s Unit of an Inner City Hospital, however the Organisational Development Department are borrowing me for 2 days a week to help develop a Coaching Service within the Hospital.
This role is a bit of a dream come true. Many of you who know me, know how passionate I am about coaching and its’ impact on our lives both personal and professional. So it will come as no surprise that I have been a nervous wreck all week.
My emotions have been all over the place all week, ranging from excitement and euphoria to anxiety and that feeling of being overwhelmed by the whole thing.
I am so flattered and pleased that people who I look up to and respect have faith in my passion for coaching, so much so that they would allow me to undertake this role. It is a lovely feeling but somewhat unsettling at the same time. When someone puts faith in us, we often heap pressure on ourselves to achieve, and if we don’t recognise it, it can quickly overwhelm us and hinder our performance. That is what I was feeling on Thursday morning when I was discussing what needs to be done with Lucy (Head of Organisational Development). As we discussed what was required it suddenly became real. I had a ‘oh shit this is really happening’ moment. Quickly followed by a moment of blind panic. The ‘I don’t think I can do this moment’. Thankfully Lucy did not appear to notice this moment of panic. I knew what I needed to do to control my fear was to get started.
Now I had seen what I needed to do, and Lucy had identified the priorities I needed, to stop standing at the side of the pool worrying about how deep it looked and get in. So I went off back to my office and got started making my own action plans to get myself started, and carry out some simple tasks calm me down. That started to work and the excitement returned. However I know full well that there is no quick fix to these anxieties and they will return, and in my opinion so it should. I don’t know about you but my anxiety guards me against complacency. In fact later that afternoon, my anxiety returned as I finished a piece of work that needed sharing. The self-doubt reared its head. ‘Is it detailed enough?’ ‘Am I on the right track.’ So I read it again and again, of course it was good enough, I was on the right track, it was just a draft after all, and the detail can come later.
Having those new boy anxieties is normal, once I reminded myself of this fact I felt much better. If I fight my anxieties, the feeling just gets worse. When I accept the feelings and even anticipate them, they end up being useful and short-lived.
Being the new boy this week was both exciting and terrifying. A brilliant week all in all.