Nearly 3 weeks in and I am still experiencing symptoms, albeit a lot less. I must say I am getting a little fed with it. I am still getting breathless going for walks, and still getting headaches. Don’t get me wrong I feel so much better than I did, and when I hear stories of others I feel so lucky, and I do have to have a word with myself. As I keep saying though we all have to have our hippo time.
This morning I have been thinking about how I am responding to what is going on around me, and what is happening to me. I was always an emotional soul but I find myself feeling emotional a lot more than usual. I feel irritated more than usual, and find it difficult to focus on subjects for longer than a few minutes. I found myself this morning getting very angry with what I was hearing on the TV, and angry with people not doing what is asked of them. Then I went on Twitter (I was feeling like I needed to be wound up more) and found myself getting angry with the government, celebrities, and of course Donald Trump. Some of these responses if you asked my wife are not unusual, however it seemed more extreme and more acute. My tolerance of what is going on around me is more acute. I feel unsafe, insignificant and powerless.
No doubt many of you will recognise what I have just described as similar to what you feel like. That is my point, I would hazard a guess most of the world is feeling out of their depth at the moment. Most of us feel unsafe, insignificant and powerless. These feelings as you will recognise show up as feeling emotional, angry, irritated, lost, and can lead to poor behaviour. This poor behaviour is down to people doing the wrong thing when trying to do the right thing. We are not thinking effectively because of what is happening, and that includes our leaders, the people that run our governments, even ourselves.
So today I am practicing pausing, and taking stock before I react to people’s poor decisions including what I see on the news. Everything is new for all of us. We are all scared, but we all want to do what we think is the right thing. We are all trying our best from our view of the world. It is not easy but it does make me feel better. The realisation that we are all bricking it (shit scared) and trying to feel our way through this, makes me feel a lot less isolated and insignificant.
Be kind, be safe and stay inside.