Last week when I was writing my blogs I was physically feeling quite rubbish. Well this week is completely different, I seem to be on an upward slope of the roller-coaster that is my symptoms. I now seem to have two weeks of feeling well then 2 weeks of feeling rubbish, however the weeks of symptoms are gradually having less and less impact, which is very encouraging. The only thing I have noticed even when the symptoms are less, that my exercise tolerance is very much reduced. This might be because I am so unfit, but I have noticed my breathlessness lasts a lot longer than it did (and I have never been an athlete). I did 5 minutes this morning of gentle exercise and was out of breath for about 20 minutes. The positive is that I am doing exercise albeit not as much as I would like. The next thing to tackle is to reduce my input. Both me and Lisa are now making a concerted effort to get healthier, therefore her determination and level of organisation has improved my self belief score dramatically. Once Lisa has a project she becomes an unstoppable force.
Outside of work my life this week has been taken up with mentally preparing for my first webinar on Connected Living. My level of anxiety and sense of vulnerability surprised me, and I have had to really dig deep to find the courage and have the confidence to follow through. Every evening and morning I would be check who had signed up and who was interested. I knew I had 2 people booked on and that made me really nervous. My ego was being tested and I contemplated cancelling the whole thing, to protect my blushes. I asked myself what would I learn if I cancelled, what would I be protecting if I cancelled? I held my nerve and advertised daily. I ended up with 3 people booked on. Now that is not a great return, and I could have chosen to see it as a failure. I chose not to see it as anything other than my first step. I chose to see it as an opportunity to practice my online delivery and how I interacted with my audience. So I jumped in. It was uncomfortable, I felt exposed, however I also felt comfortable and engaged in the process. My delivery was clunky, and awkward at times, the structure was looser than I wanted and I overran slightly. As I right this I am remembering something I said during the webinar which describes this perfectly. I was talking about the vulnerability I feel about driving. I learned to drive when I was in my late 30s, once I passed my test I hated driving and have avoided it ever since, because I hate feeling like a novice. This is exactly the reason for my vulnerability with holding a webinar. The difference is that I have managed to embrace my vulnerability about the webinar, I am yet to be prepared to face being consciously incompetent at driving.
By embracing my vulnerability about my ability to attract people to my webinars and my delivery, I can learn from my actions. There would have been very little I could have learned if I had done nothing. Now I am still feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious about yesterday. Instead of wanting to avoid this feeling I am accepting it and using it to learn how I will improve my delivery next Saturday. That will be awkward, and clunky and there will not be many people there, and that is fine, I am prepared to put myself in the arena, and I am prepared to fall. Now all I have to do is transfer this courage to other aspects of my life. Then again where would we be if we if we had no flaws in our life.
If I this resonates with you then why not join us on Saturday for my second webinar. This one will be about connecting with other people. So we will be discussing our persona and how that impacts on how we are viewed, why we need to connect with people and how we can be more effective at connecting with people that will make a difference for us. If you do book a place I will send you a PDF of my Connected Self guide and a link to a you-tube video of me delivering the first session. You will also get access to my transitions webinar for free.
To book just follow the link belowhttps://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/connected-living-webinar-2-connected-to-others-tickets-113192658288