Yesterday we took Jack to Manchester, he has gone a month early to settle in an look for a job before he starts his studies in September. He will be sharing a house with his big brother who goes into his 2nd year. Surprisingly it was a lovely day. We spent the afternoon with both our boys around the centre of Manchester, before taking them shopping and then heading home, so they could watch the Charity Shield. It was lovely to spend some quality time as a family all 4 of us, something we have not done since lockdown.
On the journey back myself and Lisa were reflecting on parenthood, and Lisa pointed out parenthood is so full on and how we spend so much energy preparing for the next stage, when they are babies you look forward to weaning, then walking and talking and then pottie training. The next is nursery then school, then riding a bike, then high school, then GCSEs then A levels, then work or university. Then that is it, they have gone.
The house seems so big this morning. I remember my mum telling me how she felt when I left home, as a if her right arm had been cut off. I feel a bit numb, I am not quite sure how to explain how I feel. I am so immensely proud of both my boys. I know Jack is more than capable and him and Ben are going to get the most out of living in Manchester and I am excited for them, at the same time I miss having them around the house. Ben has been gone a while, but I am really going to miss the chats me and Jack have about music ( Jack has expanded my knowledge and taste in music immensely), and football.
I have not been as emotional as I thought I would, apart from yesterday morning, I stood in our dining room looking at all the pictures of us as a family over the years that are on display in there, and a wave of sadness came over me, and had a little cry to mark the day passing of an era and the beginning of a new one. That is I suppose the reason why I don’t feel as emotional today. The sadness would just be for me wanting my boys to stay young. This is really at odds with the purpose of parenthood, which is to create adults that contribute to society. We have achieved that, so rather than sadness I feel pride and excitement when I think of their achievements and what they will achieve in the future.