Have a compelling reason to change

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At some point in our lives I suppose we all decide to change something in our life that we think is unhealthy, or limiting us. For me this has been especially acute as I travel through middle age, and parts of your body don’t seem to work as well as they used to.

It doesn’t matter what you want to change, if you want to make it permanent then you will have to prepare yourself. Most of us wander blindly into a change, and suddenly make knee jerk reactions, as a result of something adverse happens to us. For me it would be getting my shorts out for the summer and realising I cannot fasten the button. “Right that’s it, I am going on a diet, I look disgusting!” This is never going to be a good enough reason to lose weight. Once I have gotten over my indignation I would just buy a bigger pair of shorts.

Moving away from a negative lifestyle or situation rarely works for any length of time. Ask yourself how many times have you been on a diet. Many of us do very well at first if we use a sensible diet plan such as those organised established diets such as Weightwatchers or Slimming World. How long do maintain your new weight for? How many of you actually get to your final target weight? When most of us embark on a diet our primary goal is not to be fat, to lose weight. Or if we try to give up smoking we want to stop as it is expensive. In both examples we a moving away from a negative. However the further away from the negative we move, the reason for making the change becomes less, therefore our motivation to maintain and consolidate the wonderful change lessens. Then when something stressful happens in our life, we immediately say “I cannot do this, there is just too much going on in my life, I need a fag, or chips or wine or cake.” Then all that hard work has come to nothing and we end up back at square one.

Instead of moving away from a negative, why don’t you move towards a positive future? For instance when I gave up smoking I asked myself what do I value the most. I was able to answer straight away without any hesitation. I value the time with my children above anything else. I then asked myself in the next 10 -15 years what will I value. That was easy again, it was spending time with my children’s family. I imagined myself playing with my grandchildren in the garden, taking them on adventures, and generally being a fun granddad. I asked myself if I could guarantee that I would be able to do all these things in my sixties if I continued to smoke 20 cigarettes a day. Would I be around to see my grandchildren grow into adults like my mum has? I struggled to answer that question. I then knew exactly what I needed to do, and giving up smoking was easy from then on. I had a compelling reason to give up smoking. More importantly I can use that same reason when continuing to change my lifestyle to a more healthy one.

As I am moving towards my goal my motivation to stay a non-smoking is always high.

Never rush into a change if you want to succeed, take you time and think carefully why you want to make the change.

If you want to discuss this further to help discover your compelling reason or keep you focussed get in touch either by email or messaging via social media.

Are you satisfied with your life

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From time to time I feel dissatisfied with my life. I feel I should be more than I am, that I do not live up to my potential. I should have a higher paid job, I should be living in a big house, driving a fancy car, going on exotic holidays. I should be more decisive at work, be pro-active, ruthless, a go getter. Sound familiar?

These are just some of the markers of success that our culture values, therefore we have a tendency to measure ourselves them, and decide if we are a success or not. Invariably with are not able to live up to all if any of these values. But we are constantly exposed to the idea that people around us are doing better than us. Pre-social media this exposure was limited to people we saw on the telly, the odd self publicist and gossip. Now we are all connected with have all become shameful self publicist, and now it seems even our friends and neighbours have a better life than us. This just adds to our feelings of inadequacy, and dissatisfaction. This clearly is no way to live our lives.

One answer to this problem I suppose would be to disconnect yourself from all forms of social media. But social media has so much going for it. You would not be reading this blog for one if you stopped engaging with all forms of the media. After all Facebook and Twitter are great ways to share with everyone, how much of a nice time you had, or to share a common experience, therefore adding to your feelings of satisfaction.

The answer is not to change the world but to change the way you see the world and how you respond to what you see. The first thing to do is to assess how you see yourself based on your own measure of satisfaction rather than the medias’. I like to measure myself against Martin Seligmann’s conditions that are required for happiness. Martin Seligmann suggested that to be happy the following conditions need to be present in your life. If you are happy then you will feel more optimistic about you future and therefore more likely to succeed and feel satisfied. The conditions are:

Positive Emotion; how many times a day do you laugh and smile?

Engagement; do you take part in activities that you do for the sake of it, something you don’t have to think too much about (reading, sewing, running, singing etc.)?

Relationships; how often do you see or speak to family or friends or both?

Meaning; why do you do what you do? what are your values?

Achievement; this does not have to be academic or vocational achievement, it could be baking bread for the first time, a personal best time swimming or running, anything where you have done your best, and achieved personal excellence (as good as you can do it). How many times have a you achieved this week.

Answer the questions relating to each condition above. What are areas of your life do you need pay attention to your life to be satisfied? Identify them and then plan how to address them. This is how you can be successful, rather than trying to live up to an impossible ideal imagined through our cultural idea of success.

Be happy, be what you want to be, then you will be successful.

If you want to discuss this further, or want some coaching to have a successful happy life, email me.

Matt@mattycoach71.com

Free Coaching

How often does someone truly listen to what you have to say? We all need to be listened to without having someone else’s opinion imposed on your thoughts.

A coach such as myself will listen to what you have to say on your terms in confidence.

A coach such as myself will help you put you thoughts into order, by reflecting what you say, asking clarifying questions, and simply paying attention to what you say, making you the most important person in the room.

We all have times when or thoughts and ideas come thick and fast and we need someone to be a sounding board to help us put our thoughts into a plan that will result in action.

This is the coaching that I offer, and currently I am offering 5 free coaching sessions if you get in touch with me before 1st August.

If you are not from Hull I can offer face time, watsapp or messenger coaching.social-listening-B2B

Next Release from Vialetters

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The releases are coming thick and fast now. Below is a link to next track via their Facebook page. This is my personal favourite. Above is my favourite picture of the band taken at The New Adelphi in Hull, where bands like Pulp and  The Housemartins cut their teeth. Enjoy and spread the word.

State of Me

 

Everything Is Going To Be OK

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All us adults between 40 and 70  have tried our best to stuff everything up. We were the generations that had it easier than any other generation in the history of the world. In the UK we had universal health care (free at the point of access), free education up to University. Excellent pay and work conditions, which has led to a whole economy based on leisure and entertainment.

Now instead of using these opportunities wisely, considering parts of the world with less opportunity, the environment and future generations, we greedily consumed all we could and more, without a thought of how we were going to pay for it all.

Well now the bill has arrived, in the guise of financial meltdown worldwide, global warming, racial and religious intolerance, and the resulting finger-pointing and blame.

Fear not, all is not lost. There is still hope, and it is in the shape of our young people. As part of my day job I speak to young people about careers in healthcare. From speaking to these young people (not all of them wanted to work in healthcare) have a real sense of community and value, the welfare of all above anything else. They see themselves as part of a wider global community and concentrate on what unites them rather than what divides them.

Now I realise that we are all idealistic when we are teenagers, but this waivers when you get older and cynical. The question is why do we become cynical? We became cynical because no one took us seriously, we were not listened to and gave up. It is easier to look out for yourself.

So we have a responsibility to our youth to listen to what they are saying, to learn from their wisdom and help them make our world a better place to live in. Let them rekindle your passion for a better world. Most of all encourage them to have a social conscience, and to act on their beliefs. After all they are going to spend longer on this Earth than us.

Enjoy The Moment

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What a gorgeous weekend it has been. The weather has been truly wonderful.

I was cutting the grass this morning and was looking around my garden and thought to myself how lucky I am to be here right now enjoying the sunshine, listening to the birds singing and smelling freshly cut grass.

We spend so much of our time worrying about what we have and have not done, and planning what we are going to do next that we can miss what is right in front of us. The events of the past few weeks should make us all stop and take stock, as our lives can be snuffed out or changed forever in a blink of an eye. Live every moment, pay attention to what is all around you.

Now planning for the future is important, but it should never be at the expense of the here and now. How do you know what you want if you don’t really know what you have.

I am as guilty as the next person for ruminating on what I have done and what I am going to do. When I find myself doing this (usually in the morning), I start looking around me, I pay attention to my surroundings, what is next to me, what is above me, below me, and in front of. Before I know it I am appreciating what is happening to me now. My mood lifts immediately. I am alive, I can sense what is around me. As my mood lifts I feel more confident and more creative, and therefore more productive.

It is really important to plan and strive for a brighter future, but don’t forget to enjoy the journey.

My Summer Mix Tape

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As I have said in a previous blog it is vital for our wellbeing that we have at least an hour of happiness. As you may have realised music is a great source of happiness and contentment to me.

As summer is just around the corner and that the weather for the past week has been so lovely, I thought I would put together a mix tape of music that represents my summers past and present.

Our Summer- All About Eve

California Dreamin – The Mammas and The Pappas

Here Comes The Sun-The Beatles

Day Tripper-The Beatles

Bank Holiday-Blur

New York City Serenade-Bruce Springsteen

Hot Hot Hot!!!-The Cure

One Day Like This-Elbow

Pumped Up Kicks-Foster The People

Country Song-Jake Bugg

I Wanna Prove To You-The Lemon Twigs

Sit Down-James

Indian Summer-Manic Street Preachers

Sunburn-Muse

Day Is Done-Nick Drake

Peaches-The President of The United States

For The Summer-Ray LaMontagne

Strawberry Letter 23-Shuggie Otis

Cool For Cats-Squeeze

Couldn’t Stand The Weather-Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble

Breakfast in America-Supertramp

Infected-The The