What does coaching offer?

Before I trained to be a coach I had no idea what a coach was outside of sports coaching.

I am not surprised then that most people really don’t have a clue what coaching really is.

As I have coached more and more I find it easier to articulate what coaching is, and what it can do for people. I say this because the experience of being coached and coaching is different for everybody. So the more coaching experiences you have the more you realise what coaching can achieve for you as an individual.

It all starts with self-awareness. We all like to think we are self-aware, but are we really? There has been plenty of studies done in this and the majority of them highlight that our self-awareness is not as great as we think. For instance some of you may have heard of the Dunning-Kruger effect. This was a study done by David Dunning and Justin Kruger in the 1990s where they showed that people generally over estimated their knowledge and skills. Without external clues we are not very good in realising how little we know. Worse still the less you know the better you think you are. So we need other people to tell us how little you know. We are rubbish at assessing ourselves. And what is even worse is, that if you are an expert, you often do not realise you are until it is pointed out that you know more than others.

That is why coaching is important to all of us in some form or other. It is like holding a mirror up to ourselves and discovering what we are actually good at and what we need to work on.

Coaching does not criticise or advise it just asks you why you think what you think and know what you know. It will drastically change the way you look at yourself and give you the motivation to get on with your life in the direction that is best for you and no one else.

If you want to know more and take advantage of a free coaching session email me.

Snowflake Generation

I have heard talk in the media describing my children’s generation as the snowflake generation, implying that they have never had it so easy. This is a statement that I heard when I was in my late teens, along with ‘the young nowadays don’t know they are born’…..’they would have never got away with it in our day.’

In many respects life is increasingly easier as each generation passes. In the West we are more prosperous than our parents and grandparents. Life is physically safer.

However the young generations are faced with other risks that just were not present when I was growing up.

The thing is our brains have evolved to protect us from danger and cannot differentiate between real and implied danger. This is a problem in a world of social media, and 24 hour news. Our children can be exposed to real and perceived threat almost continuously.

Now I am not saying they are any worse of than previous generations, just that learning to be an adult is full of hazards. It always has and always will. So let’s not compare their life with yours.

Let’s support our children to be the best adults they can and cut them some slack.

28 years

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28 years ago today, I left my home in Chester and travelled to Hull to embark on my new life as a Nurse.

It was a Sunday as it is this year, I started my Nurse training on Monday 2nd October 1989. The 1st and 2nd October are two monumental dates in the history of my life. They marked the end of my childhood, the first day of my career as a Nurse and the beginning of my life in Hull.

I will always remember 1st October 1989, my emotions throughout the day swung from excitement, to fear, and to sadness. The excitement of starting a new life in a new city, was tinged fear of what the future held and a sadness of leaving my childhood behind. As well as leaving my childhood I was leaving my Mum. Me and mum had been a team for the past 5 years, it had just been me and her. She described me as her rock through a challenging period for our family. But she was the rock, she was and is my hero. Despite being her rock, she encouraged and supported me to pursue my dream, despite that meaning I would leave home. Throughout my career and my adult life she has always been there, supporting me and guiding me without imposing her own opinions and feelings. Thank you Mum for being my coach and hero.

As with everyone the first few weeks away from home were a struggle, getting used to cooking for yourself, and the dealing with being homesick (this was the first time in my life I had been away from my Mum for more than a weekend). When we are 18 we desperately want to be independent, until that moment comes when you have you wash and iron your uniform.

Being surrounded by some wonderful people (my fellow Student Nurses and Teaching Staff at Hull District School of Nursing) meant that it did not take long to adjust to my new world.

28 years later I am still here, and would never change any of it. I live in any amazing city, with my amazing family doing a job I love surrounded by some incredible people.

If you have just said goodbye to one of your children or to your parents, it is painful in the short-term, but keep focused on your ultimate goal. Remember no matter what happens or how it works out this moment is the beginning of an amazing adventure.

If you would like support with issues discussed above, get in touch. The first session is free.

My Motivational Playlist

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As I have mentioned in previous posts, music plays an important part in my life and how I motivate myself.
This is all the more important when I am running. I am not exactly a natural runner, my default position is most definitely seated therefore it is always a challenge, and as someone once said running is always a series of arguments between my joints that want to stop and my mind that wants to carry on. So I need music to be playing to give me a soundtrack and help me get into a positive mindset to ensure my mind wins the argument.
I have recently started listening to new music. That is songs that have just been released and not necessarily what I would choose if I made a conscious choice of picking it out. I let apple music choose a playlist of the latest alternative releases. So every time I go for a run there is always at least 1 or 2 new exciting surprises. Putting on my music before my run has become integral to the whole routine of running and actually I now look forward to my run to hear something new and exciting as well as some songs that have become familiar. Below is a list of some of my favourite songs currently on the playlist. These are the songs that instantly take away the pain and add another spring to my step. If you get chance give them a listen. We can all to often get stuck in a rut and not try anything new. Just think listening to something new might just inspire you to do something amazing.
My Positive Playlist:
Dear Life – Beck
Nothing to Find – LCD Soundsystem
Domesticated Animals – Queens Of The Stone Age
Plimsoll Punks – Alvvays
War is Coming – Car Seat Headrest
New York – St Vincent
Burn it Down – Daughter
Desire – Everything Everything
Countdown – King Gizzard and The Lizard Wizard
Can’t Play It Cool – Sheer Mag
It Came to Me – The Barr Brothers
Vampire Again – Marlon Williams
Violet – Districts
Thomas County Law – Iron and Wine
Just Like That – Girl Ray
People and Their Dogs – Willie J Healey
Guilty Party – The National
Evil Has Landed – Queens of The Stone Age

Enjoy, and feel free to share your own.

Feeling a bit meh?

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Well that title sort of sums up my week really. Not exactly miserable, but not motivated enough really to do anything.

From a health and fitness point of view nothing seems to be working fast enough for me this week. I am not really losing any weight and I don’t feel any fitter really. As a consequence this has knocked my confidence and motivation. I have really had to drag myself out for a run this week, and when out I have given up quicker than I should. I would like to say my diet has suffered too, but in all honesty I my diet remains as shit as it was before I started trying to get fit again.

Essentially I have felt sorry for myself all week, not really achieving much. The thing is self pity can spiral if left unchecked. By the middle of the week I was starting to feel bad about not really doing much, and I started to be over critical of myself, so I didn’t go for a run on Thursday and again yesterday, with ‘what’s the point, it’s not working….’ ringing in my ears.

Yesterday was the critical point, this was potentially a point where I could just give up. If I continued to punish myself for being unmotivated I would definitely given up. Last night it would have been so easy to give up telling myself that I can never finish anything and quietly go back to being a couch potato. Instead I let myself off feeling this way. I said to myself that it is ok to be in a cannot be arsed mood every now and then. I then asked myself, ‘what are you going to do about it then?’ So this morning I have a plan to continue what I was doing keep running regularly, and gradually increase the distance I am running. Something that I have been doing. Instantly I felt more positive and relaxed. I have to remember I am 46 and overweight, so I cannot expect to run 5km in under 30 minutes. But I know I can run 3km comfortably at the moment. The one thing I am going to address is my diet. This is something that I have not tackled and if I am honest I have probably neglected slightly thinking that just exercise would solve the problem (this was based purely on hopeful thinking not scientific evidence). This is my blind spot, so I am currently developing a list of possibilities of how I am going to achieve this. On the face of  it, it is simple (reduce input and increase output). The issue is that my reason to do it so far does not outweigh the enjoyment of chocolate, crisps, chips, anything fatty and stodgy (bloody hell I feel hungry now). Watch this space I feel a working plan will be in place very soon.

Motivation will fluctuate when you are attempting to reach your goal. It is important that you relax and accept it as a natural part of the change process. Just ask yourself how you are going to overcome this. It is always good to re-examine your reason for making a change to your lifestyle as it may need revising.

If you wish to explore making a change to your lifestyle get in touch for a free consultation.

Is social media getting you down?

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Social media such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are wonderful, for sharing what you are doing with your friends, connecting with customers and keeping in contact with friends and family far afield.

If we are doing something  exciting or different we love to put a picture on to let everyone know what that we are doing something of interest. Or if we do something as a group we can tag all involved so we can all share the fun we had. This is all positive we feel good because we had a nice time and we wanted to tell people, and your friends feel good because they can see you having fun.

However there are times don’t you agree where you can start to think that everyone you know seems to be having far more fun than you, going on more expensive holidays, than you, are far more photogenic, have more intelligent better looking children than you?

This time of year can be worst with everyone jetting off to warmer climes, taking the obligatory photograph of their naked feet pointing towards a pool with a fancy cocktail and the must read novel just in shot. Don’t forget the photograph of the 6am pint of beer at the airport. Don’t get me wrong, I am overjoyed that my friends are having a lovely time on holiday, and it is nice to see where they are getting sunstroke this year, it is just that when I am getting ready for work on a cold rainy August morning my envy neurones (might not be scientifically accurate) become activated, and resentment starts to kick in. Then I feel bad that I am having less than charitable thoughts about my friends. So now I feel bad because my life is shit and I am a miserable mean-spirited man. Thanks Facebook!

When this happens, which is often (daily in the summer, and Christmas, and in during the Winter, also around Bank Holidays), I have started to look through my own pages on Facebook, and Instagram. You know what? There are an awful lot of statuses where I am basically boasting and bigging my life up, just like everybody else, apart from these posts and me trying to drum up business for my coaching (if you are interested in being coached just message me). That is exactly how it should be, when I go on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram I am not looking for statuses telling me they had an alright day or a picture of someone sat with a cuppa looking bored, I want to see someone’s toes near a swimming pool, or a drunk at 6am in an airport.

What we have to do when we are looking at these statuses is that they do not represent the everyday reality of our friends but just the best bits they want to share with the world. We are always going to feel envious, however we don’t have to let it make us feel bad. Once you start to feel that way, examine your own life looking at what you have done, where you have been and how much fun you have had. When it all boils down we are all essentially the same.

As ever if you want to discuss how you approach your life and might be interested in having some coaching get in touch, the first hour is free and you don’t have to make a commitment to continue in advance.

matt@mattycoach71.com

Do you get your excuses in early


Before I gave up smoking, I used to tell myself I had an addictive personality, that is why I can't give up.
Does that sound familiar, in fact I heard it today. It is just an excuse, because we don't believe we can achieve.
The person today is incredibly talented, intelligent, professional and driven, but they are worried they will not succeed when it comes to giving up smoking.
In reality that concept is completely bonkers. Throughout their adult life they have faced far more daunting challenges and succeeded. When faced with changing something we do everyday, we all falter. The prospect of change is terrifying. We need to believe that the change is worth it, and that we can do it.
I like the person today needed to recognise what I had achieved when I wanted it enough. There is no such thing as an addictive personality, anyone can be addicted to something and anyone can stop being addicted. You just have to want to do it enough to succeed.
If you give in and have a sneaky cig or chocolate bar, it is ok, just go back to your reason why and have another go. We often fall off the wagon because our reason to make that change isn't strong enough and our desire to succeed isn't as strong as the enjoyment we derive from smoking or drinking or eating too much. So it is important to have that strong reason and believe you can. If you find yourself getting your excuses in early you need to examine why you want to change.
If this rings a bell get in touch for a free coaching session.