Walking Through Treacle

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It was like walking through treacle going to work this morning.

My chest was tight, my legs felt like lead, and I had a feeling of impending doom one minute, then a feeling of complete indifference the next.

On at least 2 occasions on my way to work I considered turning around and going home and go back to bed. On both occasions I ignored myself and carried on. It would have been so easy to run back to bed and hide. I was dreading going to work, the thought of speaking to people made me feel sick. But I carried on. I sat on the bus holding back tears, and not knowing why I felt emotional. But I carried on.

As the bus travelled down Anlaby Road I let my mind wander I started to look around me, taking in the different people on the bus, most of them regulars on the bus. Then looking outside of the bus I took in the familiar sites of the K Com Stadium, the church at the end of Boulevard (sorry don’t know what it is called). The sun was shining, it was a beautiful morning. The negative unpleasant feelings had left me.

I arrived at work and walking up the stairs to my office the ruminations and treacle legs started again, until I got inside my office, opened my emails and started work. I was in the moment again away from my negative thoughts.

Throughout the day Foggy and his ruminations have come and gone, on the whole it has been a shitty day. If you asked anyone I met today if they thought I was struggling, they probably would not have noticed. I was determined not to let him rule my day and my life. 2 years ago this would have been the first day of a long run of giving into the depression and taking time off work. Not anymore, they are only feelings, I can let them rule me or I can rule them. I liken it to running, every time I started running it hurts and I want to stop, but I carry on and quite quickly the pain lessens and I can complete my run and reap the benefit.

As I said it is too easy to give into the feelings, but then I would always be a slave to them and never move on. They are just feelings the same as the positive feeling I have, no more or less powerful so why should I pay more attention to them than other feelings.

No doubt tomorrow will be just as bad, but if I don’t give in I know I will have good days very soon.

If you recognise any of this, don’t suffer by yourself, talk to someone, get some support. If you know me, come talk to me, you are not alone. Most of all talk to your Doctor and get some professional help as well as talking to friends and family.

 

Everything Is Going To Be OK

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All us adults between 40 and 70  have tried our best to stuff everything up. We were the generations that had it easier than any other generation in the history of the world. In the UK we had universal health care (free at the point of access), free education up to University. Excellent pay and work conditions, which has led to a whole economy based on leisure and entertainment.

Now instead of using these opportunities wisely, considering parts of the world with less opportunity, the environment and future generations, we greedily consumed all we could and more, without a thought of how we were going to pay for it all.

Well now the bill has arrived, in the guise of financial meltdown worldwide, global warming, racial and religious intolerance, and the resulting finger-pointing and blame.

Fear not, all is not lost. There is still hope, and it is in the shape of our young people. As part of my day job I speak to young people about careers in healthcare. From speaking to these young people (not all of them wanted to work in healthcare) have a real sense of community and value, the welfare of all above anything else. They see themselves as part of a wider global community and concentrate on what unites them rather than what divides them.

Now I realise that we are all idealistic when we are teenagers, but this waivers when you get older and cynical. The question is why do we become cynical? We became cynical because no one took us seriously, we were not listened to and gave up. It is easier to look out for yourself.

So we have a responsibility to our youth to listen to what they are saying, to learn from their wisdom and help them make our world a better place to live in. Let them rekindle your passion for a better world. Most of all encourage them to have a social conscience, and to act on their beliefs. After all they are going to spend longer on this Earth than us.

Enjoy The Moment

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What a gorgeous weekend it has been. The weather has been truly wonderful.

I was cutting the grass this morning and was looking around my garden and thought to myself how lucky I am to be here right now enjoying the sunshine, listening to the birds singing and smelling freshly cut grass.

We spend so much of our time worrying about what we have and have not done, and planning what we are going to do next that we can miss what is right in front of us. The events of the past few weeks should make us all stop and take stock, as our lives can be snuffed out or changed forever in a blink of an eye. Live every moment, pay attention to what is all around you.

Now planning for the future is important, but it should never be at the expense of the here and now. How do you know what you want if you don’t really know what you have.

I am as guilty as the next person for ruminating on what I have done and what I am going to do. When I find myself doing this (usually in the morning), I start looking around me, I pay attention to my surroundings, what is next to me, what is above me, below me, and in front of. Before I know it I am appreciating what is happening to me now. My mood lifts immediately. I am alive, I can sense what is around me. As my mood lifts I feel more confident and more creative, and therefore more productive.

It is really important to plan and strive for a brighter future, but don’t forget to enjoy the journey.

Mix Tape of my 30s and 40s

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Here is my last mix tape, bringing up to date with music that I have been listening to for the past 16 years. A soundtrack to my boys growing up into young men, me losing my dad, getting promoted, moving house, struggling with my mental health, it has been an eventful 16 years and I am grateful for every moment of it. If a journey is going to be worthwhile it should be challenging. The view from the top of the mountain is always more satisfying if you have worked hard getting there.

Again my original list was 50 songs long, these are the songs that resonate with me the most at this moment, ask me again in a few months and it may well be different. I have provided a link for each song so you can have a listen. I will also provide a link to the playlist on iTunes.

30s and 40s mix tape

Rococo-Arcade Fire

The View From The Afternoon-Arctic Monkeys

Claire-Baxter Dury

Gossamer Thin-Conor Oberst

Make You Better-The Decemberists

My Sad Captains-Elbow

God is a DJ-Faithless

Ballad of a Dying Man-Father John Misty

Sixteen-The Heavy

Sequestered in Memphis-The Hold Steady

Club Foot-Kasabian

Jenny Was a Friend of Mine-The Killers

Ubu-Methyl Ethel

Hyper Music-Muse

House of Cards-Radiohead

Present Tense-Radiohead

Are We Really Through-Ray LaMontagne and The Pariah Dogs

I Still Want You-Richard Hawley

Adore-Savages

Under The Pressure-The War on Drugs

 

 

 

 

A Mile A Day….

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As you know for the past few months I have been trying to improve my fitness and recently set myself a goal to reduce my weight and increase my fitness. You may also remember that initially I used a couch to 10k app on my phone that started me off walking for a minute and running for a minute. If like me you are no stranger to the chippie, and are carrying a few more pounds than you should this is the perfect way to start. It gradually builds your stamina and confidence in running. Trust me I was nearly 19 stone when I started running, so if I can run so can you. Using that app I got to a point where I could run 5km.

My aim initially was to go out running 2-3 times a week. This is where the problem lay. Running 5km took me around 40 minutes. Now I enjoyed my 40 minutes of escape from the world, when I got out there. The problem was getting out there, nearly an hour out of my day 3 times a week was proving to be difficult. Running just was not as important in my life as I wanted it to be, so if others things cropped up they would take priority. Most weeks I would only manage to go out for a run once a week and that simply was just not enough to make any difference. I was starting to feel disheartened, and was on the verge of giving up altogether.

A chance conversation about running in general changed everything. We were talking about running and how it can change your mental and physical health for the better. We also discussed the difficulty in investing the time needed to go running regularly. Then they said that they had been advised to run a mile everyday, as it can have quite an impact on your fitness levels. Now they said that they found it more difficult to commit time everyday. All the way home after our conversation I kept thinking about this mile a day. I thought it would be easier to commit as running a mile had to be less time-consuming than 5k and was not as hard. Effectively I would be chunking a 10k+ over a week.

So I gave it a go. My first mile took me about 11 minutes plus 2-3 minutes warm down walk. I was out of the house for about 20 minutes. That was 3 weeks ago and so far I have run 18 miles. I don’t run 7 days a week, I always give myself a day off. On the weekend I go for a run in the morning and during the week I run in the evening. As with anything some days are better than others, but if I am not feeling it and struggling it doesn’t matter, because I am only running a mile, most days that is 3 songs on my 30s-40s mix tape. My time is getting gradually faster not down to 10 minutes and 25 seconds, my weight loss has started to increase again and I feel so much better. On top of that I have about 15 minutes to myself which I use as part of my hour of happiness. All that for very minimal effort, and I am now invested in the run, it has become a vital part of my day and is not given up for anything not even a night out or the resulting hangover.

If you feel inspired and want to kick-start your goals get in touch and we can sort out a plan that will suit you.

My Summer Mix Tape

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As I have said in a previous blog it is vital for our wellbeing that we have at least an hour of happiness. As you may have realised music is a great source of happiness and contentment to me.

As summer is just around the corner and that the weather for the past week has been so lovely, I thought I would put together a mix tape of music that represents my summers past and present.

Our Summer- All About Eve

California Dreamin – The Mammas and The Pappas

Here Comes The Sun-The Beatles

Day Tripper-The Beatles

Bank Holiday-Blur

New York City Serenade-Bruce Springsteen

Hot Hot Hot!!!-The Cure

One Day Like This-Elbow

Pumped Up Kicks-Foster The People

Country Song-Jake Bugg

I Wanna Prove To You-The Lemon Twigs

Sit Down-James

Indian Summer-Manic Street Preachers

Sunburn-Muse

Day Is Done-Nick Drake

Peaches-The President of The United States

For The Summer-Ray LaMontagne

Strawberry Letter 23-Shuggie Otis

Cool For Cats-Squeeze

Couldn’t Stand The Weather-Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble

Breakfast in America-Supertramp

Infected-The The

 

 

An Hour of Happiness

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I have just delivered a Mental Health Awareness Workshop as part of my day job for staff working with children and young people in ED and the Children’s Wards. What a wonderfully inspiring day as they always are. One of the topics we discuss is looking after your own mental health. I asked everyone present to allocate themselves an hour each day, that is just for them, their hour of happiness.
Does an hour seem too long to spend on yourself? If the answer is yes, then maybe you need than hour more than you think.

We all have 24 hours a day to do with what we want. About 6-8 hours of that is allocated to sleeping. Between 6-12 hours can be for work (but not everyday) the rest we can allocate for other tasks, some of us will have children/dependants so we need time to care for them. The rest of the time we have we can choose what we do. To be honest all the time we have we choose what to do even work and caring for others is a choice at the end of the day. When you add it up there does not seem to be much time left for yourself.

We all have busy lives and we all fill our lives with activities we perceive we need to do, some we enjoy and others we don’t so much. For most of us there is always some aspect of the day we enjoy. That could be having a bath, taking the dog for a walk, playing with our children, bathing our young children, feeding our infant children, watching Emmerdale, the list goes on.

So when we think about it our day is littered with episodes of happiness, only we take them for granted, and often dismiss them. We then concentrate on the less enjoyable parts of our day, like housework, travelling to work, getting the children ready for school, again the list goes on, but it may not be as long as you think.

Do an inventory of your day, list the activities you do on a typical day, be thorough and don’t leave anything out (including toilet breaks). Tick those activities that make you smile, or make you feel contented. Estimate how long each of them takes. Have you got an hour of happiness? If not what do you need to change to increase your happy quota for the day? Do you need to remove some negative activities and replace them with ones that are more fun or engaging? This can be quite a challenge but it is possible if you let your imagination run wild, and allow yourself to be creative.

I have given some examples of what may make you happy and what may make you unhappy, but these are just to illustrate a point. It is important that you generate your happy activities yourself and they are yours to own not someone else’s suggestions.

Actively seeking out happy activities on a daily basis will change your outlook, it will make you more positive and optimistic. It will not prevent you from experiencing negative emotions, and it should not. Negative emotions are also important. However it will help your resilience when managing the challenging parts of you life, by giving you a positive opinion of your future.

If you are able to allocate yourself an hour of just doing an activity that makes you happy, like watching a TV programme, reading a book, or going for a walk. Something you can look forward to, everyday. This done in conjunction with the happy activity inventory is very powerful in changing the way you approach life.

If you want me to work with you to create your happy activity inventory, send me an email or message me via Facebook or Twitter.

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Mix Tape of my 30s and 40s

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Here is my last mix tape, bringing up to date with music that I have been listening to for the past 16 years. A soundtrack to my boys growing up into young men, me losing my dad, getting promoted, moving house, struggling with my mental health, it has been an eventful 16 years and I am grateful for every moment of it. If a journey is going to be worthwhile it should be challenging. The view from the top of the mountain is always more satisfying if you have worked hard getting there.

Again my original list was 50 songs long, these are the songs that resonate with me the most at this moment, ask me again in a few months and it may well be different. I have provided a link for each song so you can have a listen. I will also provide a link to the playlist on iTunes.

30s and 40s mix tape

Rococo-Arcade Fire

The View From The Afternoon-Arctic Monkeys

Claire-Baxter Dury

Gossamer Thin-Conor Oberst

Make You Better-The Decemberists

My Sad Captains-Elbow

God is a DJ-Faithless

Ballad of a Dying Man-Father John Misty

Sixteen-The Heavy

Sequestered in Memphis-The Hold Steady

Club Foot-Kasabian

Jenny Was a Friend of Mine-The Killers

Ubu-Methyl Ethel

Hyper Music-Muse

House of Cards-Radiohead

Present Tense-Radiohead

Are We Really Through-Ray LaMontagne and The Pariah Dogs

I Still Want You-Richard Hawley

Adore-Savages

Under The Pressure-The War on Drugs

 

 

 

 

Vialetters’ First Gig

On Wednesday night, we went to see Ben (my oldest) play his first gig at The New Adelphi (Hull’s iconic music venue) with his band Vialetters. As I said it was their debut gig as a band at least one member (Ollie, the founder member) had played gigs before, but they had never played together in public before.

What a triumph it was. They were second on the bill supporting a Leeds band Young Amphibians. However most of the crowd were there to see them. They had managed to mobilise their friends from college, youth theatre, and family. Considering they were playing in front of their peers and relatives they didn’t show any nerves. Their music was vibrant and fresh, with a nostalgic nod to indie stalwarts from the 80s, up to present day. Even if my son was not in the band I would happily listen to them. It was the best debut I have seen. I cannot wait for them to record some of their tracks. I am definitely a fan. 

I have deliberately not gone on about how amazing Ben was, because the whole band were amazing. I am however incredibly proud of him and he proves that if you practice a lot and live what you do you can produce something wonderful, and what is more wonderful than creating music that people want to dance to. Trust me for the passed 6 months all I have heard is bass line after bass line coming from his room. Bass lines by themselves are quite tiresome, but I am so pleased I put up with, because all his effort paid off on Wednesday. 

I am probably not the target demographic, in fact the few parents and family members there felt quite old. But I am afraid they have me as a fan. 

As a parent there is nothing better than seeing your child pursue something they love and have worked hard at. If I was choosing a path for him it probably would not be this, but I am not, it is his life and I am so proud of his endeavour.

Keep an eye and ear out for Vialetters. As soon as they have some recordings, don’t worry I will be sharing it with you all.

An Inspiring Week


Last week I attended a coaching masterclass through work run by Andy Gilbert a coach of high repute. It was a truly inspiring day, and has given me so many ideas to take into my own coaching.

Not only did it give me inspiration to coach others but also to coach myslelf. During the day I set myself a new goal and looked at some of the goals I have already set for myself, just to check in with my commitment to achieve them.

So I have set a goal of writing a novel over the next year, as well as to continue to work towards being fitter and healthier both mentally and physically. I have set very specific goals with timescales. For instance I will have a finished manuscript in my hand on the 4th May 2018, to achieve this I have set myself a series of performance goals along the way. So I have started putting together a story drawing on the work I did writing my story of my life, and brainstorming some other ideas. Next is to develop an outline of the story. That is to come over the coming weeks.

With regards being fitter and healthier I have revisited my level of commitment to running. Over the past couple of weeks I have questioned why I wanted to continue running. I have pushed myself to get out there and run. I use an app that gradually increases the amount of time running, I am now up to 28 minutes, and the last 2 runs I have started to enjoy, during the run itself. This is quite remarkable as I hated the discomfort I felt in my back and legs and never enjoyed the running. What kept me going was the feeling of elation and achievement after the run. But now I have managed to get to a place in my head that makes me feel calm and contented. I have tried mindfulness exercises in the past with some success, but this time it feels so effortless and natural during my runs. My runs have turned into something I want to do to relax and de-stress. Running now gives me something worthwhile rather than just sore legs. 

However the problem I have is my food intake, my level of commitment to weight loss is some what suspect and I do need to re-examine why I want to lose weight. It has to be a reason that is more compelling than chocolate. Wish me luck. 

This week has been a positive, optimistic week, I have coached a lot, been running and started to enjoy. City got relagated but that has been the only blot on the week and I finished it off this evening cooking a barbecue in the sunshine. Tomorrow brings a new week of opportunity.