August! An emotional month.

Vialetters live at Humber Street Sesh 2019

I always knew it would be an emotional one, especially with the background that is going on in my family (something I alluded to in previous blogs, but do not yet want to go into details).

The month started with a bang, when Ben (the Bass player on the right in the picture above) and with the Vialetters played Humber Street Sesh (our local festival and smashed it. It was truly a proud moment, and must admit I did shed a tear when I looked around and saw how many people were watching and cheering them on.

As well as that Jack (my youngest) whose band where not quite ready for this years Sesh volunteered during the festival, helping to set it up and manned one of the stages. I know it is a bit sentimental, but I feel so blessed to have such amazingly talented and generous sons.

What a wonderful weekend that was.

Then halfway through the month Ben got his ‘A’Level results and secured his place at BIMM Manchester (British and Irish Modern Music Institute) to study Music Journalism, which was his first choice. That was a strange day, I was immensely proud of what he had achieved, but was tinged with sadness, with the realisation that he was really going to be leaving home.

To top this Vialetters have managed to secure 2 pretty amazing support gigs. The first is on the 14th September playing at Bonus Arena Hull (the biggest venue they have ever played in) supporting a local band Bud Sugar, and the other is supporting one of the most exciting new bands in the country, Cassia in October. I tell you my head is beginning to spin.

This week (all too fast) Ben left home to move into his shared house in Manchester. He has gone early to settle into the area and find a job. The prospect of him leaving was heartbreaking. Since he has left, I think I have spoken to him more frequently than I did when he lived here (mostly my doing). I am sad for me and Lisa as our life has to change and that is difficult to adjust to, as we all love to cling on to what is familiar and comfortable. On the other hand I am excited for Ben and so proud of the young man he has become. So I will cry as I mark the passing of my old life and smile at the opportunities my new life brings. After all we have to do this all again with Jack next year. I am starting to cry just thinking about it.

Yesterday myself and Lisa traveled to Manchester to take the rest of Ben’s stuff, and take him shopping. We went out for lunch with Ben and Liv (his girlfriend, who is staying with him for a few days, I think to organise him) and they took us to a vegan diner. That was a first for me, I am still not quite sure what to make of it. It was nice enough but it is still resting heavy and I fear it might take a few days to digest. His house is really nice and is just on the edge of Manchester City centre. You can see the skyscape of Manchester changing from his bedroom window.

You can just make out the Hilton in the distance

Before we came back we did a food (inc Beer and Wine) shop with him and Liv. I found that really stressful and emotional. I am still trying to understand what I was feeling during that shop. It might be coming to term with endings and leaving him behind, I am not sure. What I do know is, that I am proud of the man I helped forge, and I am certain he will be all he wants to be. I think the hard part is playing less part in that and not always be able to witness his life first hand.

In my own world there is potentially some exciting news coming up, I am reluctant to share publicly yet, but once I have more details I will share.

What a life-changing month this has been.

My writing has taken a back seat recently, and my book is collecting dust. I will get back to it soon, once I get my mojo back and clearly define my new direction and purpose.

Onwards and upwards. Follow your interest and realise your dream.

That was a long week!

I think it was the heat, but boy that was a long week! A lot of great stuff happened but I am knackered today,I am certain we had 2 Thursdays this week.

Monday started with some inspirational meetings,talking to some truly brilliant people. There are so many talented and committed people working in the NHS. The first meeting was to discuss the support I could offer to the development of unregistered staff. My next meeting was with the wonderful Louise who is going to support me with the back office functions of our coaching network. That meeting was so positive and was like having a weight lifted off my shoulders. To be honest I was shocked this all happened this week! I was certain this all happened about 2 weeks ago. Such a long week!

I spent Tuesday morning delivering a Insights Discovery workshop. I love delivering. I particularly enjoy challenging peoples perceptions, and helping them connect with themselves. I even managed to sign up a couple of coachees for our coaching network.

I spent the first part of the evening with a private coaching client. It was a great hour, shifting perceptions and introducing the idea of being truly present.

Straight after the coaching session we raced across the city to watch our eldest son’s band (Vialetters), play there first headline gig. They were majestic and truly did live up to their headline status. It was the perfect warm-up for their slot at Humber Street Sesh festival next weekend. for those of you going, they are playing the Strummerville Stage at 4:15. If you are going pop along to see them, you will not be disappointed.

Wednesday and Thursday were just hot a sweaty days, and were a struggle, so much so that I am certain we either repeated a day or time just slowed down. The highlight was going to the pub after work on Wednesday.

Friday at last was cooler. I spent the morning with the wonderful Janis and Sandra making plans and setting dates for Clinical Supervision training next year. We didn’t get chance to make work through our planned book on Clinical Supervision, we will get chance soon. In the afternoon I met and contracted with a new internal coachee,which is always a pleasure.

This morning I went for a refreshing run, helped Ben with his student s accommodation application, now writing this blog watching the Challenge Cup semi-final. A restful day.

It has been a long tiring week, but on reflection a really productive and enjoyable week. Yesterday I was feeling a little frazzled and was I think concentrating what was causing me frustration. This exercise today has helped me concentrate on what is positive, and productive in this week. There is an awful lot to be thankful for this week.

Thank you Boys

I have mentioned a few times in various blogs about my love for music, and how music helps me keep an even keel when my resilience is being challenged. At the moment my resilience is being tested. Now part of being resilient is accepting that there are times in your life that will hurt, and occasionally it will hurt so much that you find it hard to imagine anything worse. Now I am not quite there, but I have been there before. Accepting emotional pain is so hard to do. The key is making space, which is not the same as letting your pain takeover. Allowing pain and happiness equal space and attention is the answer. You have to actively do this, we will automatically move to and pay attention to the pain and then try to get rid of it.

As Paul McGee would say, allow yourself some hippo time (some time to wallow in your self pity, but don’t make it a place of residence. It is then time to look for what makes you smile, what you value. Now my go to for evoking positive emotion is music. I will always go to my playlist and find something that fits my mood.

I am super lucky, as I have 2 boys that are musical. Both are in bands, Jack’s band is in it’s early stages so their is no music to listen to yet, but I cannot wait to share there first single. Ben however you will remember is in a band called Vialetters and they play live regularly and have just released their third song on all platforms. Listening to their music has got me through some challenging times recently. So as a huge heartfelt thank you to Ben and the rest of the Vialetters here is their latest offering Genera.

Week off to re-charge

I had rather an eventful week last week, popping over the other side of the country to see a member of my family who was poorly. They are fine now, and I am certain it was more for my benefit than theirs. My mind is at rest, and I have now stopped letting my imagination get the better of me.

You may remember in my last blog, that I have started a course on strategic coaching, and I was doing some research in preparation for writing my assignment, on coaching and mentoring in an organisational culture. So everyday this week I have spent a couple of hours continuing the research and making copious notes, on organisational culture, coaching and mentoring policies, and people strategies to name a few of the subjects I have been immersing my self in every morning this week. So for many of you that may sound as dull as ditch water. For me it has been restorative and enlightening. I know! I’m a boring bastard! When I have not been writing I have been re-acquainting myself with one of my favourite writers Brene Brown. Before I went to Chester I ordered Rising Strong, so it was waiting for me on my return. If you are feeling less than resilient at the moment, if you have been knocked down and are struggling to get back up, then this is the book for you. Have you seen her Netflix special yet? If not seek it out, I laughed, cried and felt inspired.

It has been a week where I could work at my own pace, where I could just allow my anxieties and worries wash over me. Where I could just let myself be me.

I spent the other evening trawling through Spotify to compile a playlist, as you know I love music and often bang on about my eldest son’s band (incidentally they are playing in Manchester on 30th April at The Castle Hotel, please pop along and say hello if you are in the area), oh and now my youngest is in a band now, so I will be boring you all about them soon enough, I have heard some early demo’s and they are pretty awesome. Anyway as I was telling you I spent the other evening compiling a playlist of new music. There is a lot of really good music with something to say at the moment. So if you are interested in music and if like me it holds mystical restorative powers for you, I have included a link to this playlist for you.

Ahh April Playlist


I hope you enjoy the playlist, I generally use music to help me be present, it suspends my thought process as I let the sounds wash over me, I can then focus on what is happening to me at that moment, how the music interacts with my senses and allows me to tune into my environment. I have started running again. I wish I hadn’t stopped, as it has been harder than ever to get going with it again. I am using a couch to 5k app, and it is really helping me, but so is using my playlists, they don’s stop the discomfort but they help me reconcile it, and gets me through that initial discomfort. I am beginning to feel they I am making progress, which is good really as I doing the Hull 10k in June (no pressure). Wish me luck!

All in all another good week, roll on the next, and lets see what adventures that brings.

Just The Tonic

As you know I have been a little fed up over the past couple of weeks. In my previous blog I mentioned the tonic of being coached for my well-being which was truly excellent.

Then on Thursday morning I woke up to this song on my Spotify. There is nothing better than hearing something one of children has produced with his band mates. They are so talented and they deserve all the recognition I am sure they are going to get. Please click play and have a listen, I know I am a proud dad but they are bloody brilliant. If you are in Hull on 13th February 2019, pop down to the Polar Bear to see them in the flesh. Tickets are available via Hull Box Office or you can pay on the door. They are supporting another talented Hull band Mauritia.

Make an old Dad happy give them a listen and let them know how good they are.

My top 10 songs of 2018

If you know me well, you will know how important music is to me. In the past I have shared mix tapes and playlists. As well as listening to music I love sharing music that I love. 

I love music that has something to say, whether that is in the lyrics or in the music. Over the years my musical taste has certainly changed, when I was in my late teens and early twenties I had quite a closed view of what I liked and did not like. This was largely based on what my friends were listening to. The desire to fit in with your tribe is so important as a teen and a young adult. My taste is much more eclectic nowadays, and I love experiencing new music. 

So below is the list of my top 10 songs. I have provided a Youtube link for each song just in case you have not heard it. The list is in reverse order.

I have also left a a link to my best of 2018 spotify playlist

10 Gallipoli – Beirut

9 Tried-BADBADNOTGOOD & Little Dragon

8 Heart Attack-Tune-Yards
7 Loner Boogie-Boy Azooga
6 Fists of Fury-Kamasi Washington
5 Like Sugar-Chaka Khan
4 Saint-Blood Orange
3 Disappointing Diamonds Are The Rarest of Them All-Father John Misty
2 Geosmin-VIALETTERS
1 Ullswater-Hookworms

Music on my commute to and from work

It’s been a while since I shared a playlist.

I am not sure if anyone listens to them, but I really enjoy putting them together.

With it being Mental Health Awareness week it is important to remind ourselves to give some attention to our mental health. One suggestion is to do something everyday that you enjoy, if you can it is best to spend an hour doing something that makes you happy. Now putting together this playlist took slightly less than an hour. So I have another 45 minutes left to fill today. Now that is fairly easy on a sunny Saturday. However during the week that can be a little more challenging. Trying to fit a an hour in our busy days can feel a little indulgent. Trust me, it isn’t, it is vital, vital for your health and well-being.

So if it is we have to be a little more imaginative about how we fit that time in. Firstly though we all need to examine our days, and think about those activities we do in a day where we derive enjoyment, that could be spending time with our children, taking the dog for a walk or cooking. Create an inventory of enjoyable activities, once you start you will realise how happy you can be simply by appreciating the things you already do. When you add them up you may be halfway there. Now cherish those activities, and if you need to move them up your importance order.

Once you have created your inventory, then look at those redundant parts of the day, such as your commute to work. My commute is about an hour a day, 30 minutes there and 30 minutes back. To fill that time I know put my music library on my phone on shuffle and sit back and listen. Now I have a couple of playlists that automatically update with new music that is downloaded onto my phone, so when engage the shuffle option I can listen to a song for the first time. Therefore that anticipation of not knowing whether I am going to listen next, it could be an old favourite or a new classic is so exciting.

My boring 30 minute commute is transformed and flies by. So why not in the car, on the bus or train put your music on shuffle sit back and see what happens. For me I have nailed in hour of happiness.

Because I like to share here is a playlist made of a shuffle I did this morning, not on a commute but sat on my sofa. Have a listen if you like, if you don’t that’s ok too, I have had my fun.

My commute shuffle