19/07/2020 Sunny Sunday morning writing, blogging and listening to podcasts

It’s Sunday morning, so the usual happened, Holly (my dog) woke me up at 6:30, she was hungry and lonely. I could have gone back to bed I suppose, but the sun was shining, so I got up. I thought about writing a blog at that point, but I really did not have anything to say, and I just could not be bothered, so I watched highlights of the FA Cup semi-final (Arsenal v Man City). I keep trying to engage with football now it is back, but to be honest the TV experience of football is very much dependent on a crowd. I just cannot get into it. Now watching football in person (live) is a completely different experience, the size and noise level of the crowd is much less important for me, but being removed in my own space, I require a large crowd experience. I suppose that is why they add the crowd noise, but it still does not work for me. Therefore after a couple of minutes I lost interest. I then watched a documentary about the first residential recording studio based on a farm, called Rockfield. Now that was much more engaging, I thoroughly enjoyed it. What grabbed me was not all the rock stars that had recorded there, it was the story of the brothers that founded the studio and their story of adaptation and agility of the decades that has seen them survive. They have never been there to make money or be really famous. It is apparent that the experience of living and providing an experience for the people they come in to contact with seemed to be their driving force. No doubt they have a just cause that keeps them going, as it is clear something bigger than them and the musicians that use the studio, that keeps this space going. If you want to watch it check it out on the BBC iPlayer.

After that gradual wake up, I took the dog for a walk and did a few chores, by the time I got upstairs to Jack’s old bedroom that is morphing into my office I was breathless, wheezy and had a banging headache. I was determined this was not going to get in the way of this glorious morning. I opened the window to let the outside seep into my space, filling the room with a cool breeze, and the sound of birdsong. I put my favourite radio show on (The Radcliffe and Maconie Show on 6 Music), opened my computer and started to think about what I was going to write. Now I have chapters still to write for my book, I have an assignment to write for my strategic coaching course ( well I have to tweak what I have written), and I have to review my slides and plan for next weeks webinar, and I have the prospect of writing a blog. When it comes to my own work (work that I do not currently get paid for, unfortunately, but maybe one day soon) I have a rule of following my interest, rather than following what I have to do. The assignment technically sits in the work work world, so it has to be done, but not today. Therefore I dismissed that for now. So I opened up what I had written so far in my book file. That was it, I was in, and just started writing and adjusting stuff in the content. This should have been a perfect moment. Now it was almost perfect, what was getting in the way, was what I was physically experiencing. My breathlessness, chest pain and headache, were just taking my attention. When it takes my attention I pause ( I have just done it now whilst writing this) and pick up my phone to do something mundane. I procrastinate for a few minutes either scrolling through social media or by posting a picture on instagram. Then I am back in the moment and go back to writing. The music helps to. I ended up finishing the chapter. I will take that as a win today. So I saved that file and moved on to follow my interest.

I am now writing this blog listening to a Simon Sinek podcast, I am sort of half listening, half writing. In between I am still having to pause as I lose concentration when I notice my chest pain and headache again.

In spite of feeling a bit pants today, I am taking this morning as a win. I have done what I wanted to do. The breeze is lovely, the sunning is shining and I am feeling productive and inspired. Living in the moment, choosing to be positive and following your interest and vital for our well-being.

If you are finding it hard to see the positive and live in the moment, then reach out and find support. I am running a series of webinars that concentrate on how we manage our lives. Click on the link below to book you place on the first webinar and get the next 2 for 3.

Register on Eventbrite

18/07/20 Trying to get back to some normality

It has been nearly 4 months since my symptoms began. They are much improved, they do not have a huge impact on my life anymore, however they are just not present enough to irritate. I get breathless, have headaches, indigestion mind fogs, and moments of irritation and anxiety.

I have decided to live with this and attempt to improve my lifestyle. It can not not help. So last week I started running again. The first couple of times I ran/walked for a mile. Today I decided to get some more structure today my training by downloading the BBC couch to 5k app. Just over halfway through I realised I have I have to go with my recovery. I found it really challenging, I have been back about 20 minutes and I am still feeling it. The endorphins are flowing however and I am feeling restored.

This week Uncle Boris said we could go back to the workplace in August, at work we have been preparing to welcome back staff that have been working from home and more importantly welcoming our colleagues that have been shielding. I went into our office last week to do my bit to making it COVID secure. This I discovered is a modern term for tidying you crap up. I might suggest that Jack makes his bedroom COVID secure.

When I went back to the office for only about the 4th time since all this began, I felt quite nervous and unsure of myself. If felt like a new boy. I have been talking to a lot of my people feeling that way, for feeling unmotivated and just worn out. We are realising that learning how to live and operate differently is mentally and physically exhausting. We do not realise how much we take for granted, until we have to do it differently. That was is one of the reasons why I have put on my connected living webinars, to help us all centre ourselves, learn how to connect with people that will help us and help us cope with all the changes that are going on around us. You can find the link on this website or on my Facebook page.

Stay safe everyone and remember if you are feeling out of sorts you are not alone.

Check out “Connected Living Webinar 1 Connected Self”!

Check out “Connected Living Webinar 1 Connected Self” on Eventbrite!

Date: Sat, 25 Jul, 11:00

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/connected-living-webinar-1-connected-self-tickets-113189934140

Register on Eventbrite

12/07/2020 A week off and a visit to see my Mum

I have had annual leave this week. Annual leave when you work from home is quite surreal. Monday and Tuesday we stayed at home, which when home is your work place is very strange. I did however manage to avoid logging on to my work computer and going and I muted the work WhatsApp group. Normally when I have been on holiday I would not normally go that far, but when the lines between work and home are less defined, it is really important I think to impose distinct barriers between the two.

On Monday went out for a run for the first time since the end of February. It was really more a run/walk, to get me back into the swing of things and not put myself off on my first outing. I used a route I know that is a mile long. Before the lock down this had become my regular almost daily route, so it felt good to be out on familiar ground. It hurt, but not as much as thought it might. It was the feeling afterwards that I realised I had missed the most. As we come down from exercise we get a rush of endorphins, which is just the best feeling. If you do exercise you will know what I mean, if you have not done any exercise for a while (like me), I would strongly recommend you get out there and do something that gets your heart rate up. It has certainly improved my mental health this week. The 2 runs I have done this week have been added to my daily hours of happiness.

Wednesday was an emotional day. We went to Chester to visit my Mum. I have not seen my Mum since December. My irrational self had worried this day would never come. I know we are supposed to keep 1 to 2 metres distance but when I saw her I couldn’t help it. I gave her the biggest hug, and we held on to each other and sobbed. After half a year of being apart and with the prospect of never seeing each other again, that was the most heartfelt hug I had ever had. The days preceding our visit I had been impossible to live with (sorry Lisa). Ben had come with us for the day to visit his Gran it was lovely to see him with her. He didn’t stay as he needed to get back for work. Wednesday was a precious day as was Thursday. We spent the morning talking, crying and laughing just me and her, and then before we left my niece came with her daughter Ava (welcome to the family Ava). Those are 2 days that will live long in the memory.

As you will remember from my previous blogs that I am putting together a series of webinars about personal leadership and resilience (similar to what I write about in my blogs) based on a book I have been writing for he past 2 years. Well since Thursday I have been reworking what I have written so far to put into a companion guide to go with the webinars. I can then use that guide as the overview for the book. Preparing these webinars has given the book a new lease of life. Writing the webinar has refocused my goal, and I can now see my compelling vision much more clearly. If you are interested in checking out the webinars the link below will take you to he eventbrite page for the first webinar on the 25th July. If you want to sign up for all three and receive a copy of the guide contact me via my contacts page.

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/connected-living-webinar-1-connected-self-tickets-113189934140

I am going to spend the rest of this morning writing and looking out over my garden on this lovely sunny Sunday. Stay safe everyone

04/07/2020 The day the pubs opened

On the 21st March I a blog titled “The Day The Pubs Shut”. 3 and a half months later they are reopening, albeit with restrictions. To be honest I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand both my sons work in pubs, so they are able to return to work for the summer. This has meant that Ben has returned to Manchester and regained his independence. On the other hand I am concerned that opening places that sell a drug that has a track record of causing anti-social behaviour and a reduction of inhibitions on a Saturday has more to do with making money than the welfare of the public. If the government truly put people above personal gain, then efforts would have been put into safely opening gyms, swimming pools and arts venues, alongside hairdressers not pubs.

As I say I have mixed feelings, I am pleased than Ben and Jack are able to go back to work. I just worry that the government and many people are not putting people first. Money should just be a tool to support people, people should not be a tool to generate money. Successful profitable businesses are crucial for the welfare of our country, but lets not forget these profitable businesses should be there to provide a service for people, if those people are sacrificed then those profitable businesses will not survive long. Now is a time for the few to make sacrifices for the good of us all (and many good successful companies are).

When the pubs do open and I suspect a few are already open (I am writing this at 8 am), they will be very different from what they were back in March. You cannot stand up, you cannot go to the bar, if you are inside the time you spend in the pub is restricted, you have to give your details on entry. Like many aspects of our life outside of our home we are confronted with new rules to keep us safe. They are however very different from what we are used to, therefore we have to think about what we do, when normally we would just do it. Going to the shops, the pub and getting a haircut, were once routine events that we had done repeatedly, we had built up a muscle memory of what we do in those places. Now we are having to build up new muscle memories. Now we are going to feel uncertain, and awkward about stuff we use to do all the time. This takes it’s toll physically and emotionally on us. Then we have to manage the uncertainty of what comes next with talk of second waves and new potential pandemics. If we are not careful and take care of ourselves, coming out of the lock-down could be worse than the lock-down itself. In response to this I have put together a series of interactive webinars starting later this month, contact me via my contacts page if you want to know more.

So when you are out and about shopping, going to the pub, having a haircut and hopefully soon going to gyms, music venues and theatres, be kind to yourself and those around you. Remember everyone is new at this, we are all going to go the wrong way, we are all going to forget what we are doing.

Have a lovely weekend and stay safe.

Connected Living Webinar

I will be holding a series of 3 short webinars entitled Connected Living.

The webinars are in response to us coming out of the first wave of this pandemic, and how we adjust to a different world. Many of us will have very different lives for a multitude of reasons. For that reason it is really important that we are equipped to roll with the punches and emerge in our new world, battle scarred but all the stronger for the experience.

The three webinars are:

Connected self

We will explore how we manage our well-being, the importance of accepting and appreciating all aspects of our lives, and having a clear purpose that is aligned to our values and is reflected in our goals.

Connecting with others

We will explore how to build trust with ourselves and others, how our preferences effect how we communicate, the importance of feedback, and our need to be part of a community. We will also discuss the impact of our perception of the world on our relationships and how that can have an effect on how we connect with different groups.

Loss and the transition to a new beginning

This webinar builds on the work of William Bridges and explores now with our new understanding of ourselves and others how we can move from our old lives to our new reality.

The webinars will be run over consecutive weeks during the evening (BST) or at weekends.

Dates.

Connected Self: Saturday 25th July 2020 11 am to 12:30 pm (BST)

Connecting with Others: Saturday 8th August 2020, 11 am to 12:30 pm (BST)

Loss and Transition to New Beginnings: Saturday 15th August 2020 11 am to 12:30 pm (BST)

The cost of the three webinar series will be £45 per person payable in advance.

If you are interested email me and I will send you payment and joining details.

matt@mattycoach71.com

Hurry as places will be limited

30/06/2020 100 Days

Back on the 20th March I started writing a regular diary of my experiences during the pandemic. Little did I know that just 5 days later I would start with symptoms that would stay with me 11 weeks. I am fully recovered now, apart from being very unfit.

Little did I realise the tragedy that would unfold around the world with up to know an estimated (under estimated) half a million people have lost their lives to this terrible virus. After 100 days we have lost 60,000 + people as a result of COVID-19 in the UK. What is even worse is that it hasn’t finished with us yet.

Millions of people are unemployed as a result of the economic crisis it has caused, and we are yet to feel the full effects of this crisis.

A microscopic virus has changed the world for ever. That is quite hard to comprehend, that something so small can have such a devastating effect.

Since March many of us have learned how to use zoom and other video conferencing software. I am learning how to teach people remotely using video conferencing. I spend my days working from a desk in a bedroom with my laptop resting on a box to bring it up to my eye level.

Since March people wear masks on buses and in hospitals (not just clinical staff anymore). Everyone you meet has an opinion on PPE and know what it stands for (when I say everyone you meet, I mean everyone in your household, or bubble).

Since March all pubs, clubs, music venues, most shops, swimming pools, gyms, hotels and many other places have been closed.

In March the schools and universities closed and exams were cancelled. Millions of children and young people were robbed of their last days of education. Millions of children have been deprived of playing with their friends.

Millions of couples including my niece have had their weddings cancelled.

Thousands of people have died without a loved one there to hold them.

Millions of parents and grandparents have not been able to hug their children and grandchildren. Including me, I have not seen my mum since December and I so desperately want to give her a hug.

So far we have survived. We are more resilient than we thought. If you had read this account a year ago, you would firstly think it was far fetched, then you would wonder how anyone could get through it. So far we have, and as a society and as a human race we will see the back of this pandemic.

So lets hang in there, it is not going to be easy but we will get through it.

27/06/2020 My thoughts on working from home that turned into thoughts on leadership

I have been working from home now for about 6 weeks I think (all these weeks seem to be merging into one). I did not like it at first, I felt disconnected from everything, I felt I had to be attached to my computer, just in case someone tried to contact me, and I felt guilty for not being at my workplace. The feeling of guilt was the most profound, even though I was working just as hard if not harder, working from home. The perception of working from home in our organisation is still problematic, with this underlying and often unspoken issue of trust. Many managers are struggling to trust that staff are being as productive as they could be when working from home.

Now I am not criticising managers for these assumptions, for many managers this is something they have learned. Not from formal leadership courses, or from professional training, but from their predecessors, peers, and from their environment. It is part of the workplace paradigm. This paradigm is slowly diminishing, but it has be so widespread and pervasive for so long that it is going to take some time and a lot of to shift all of our paradigms.

The leader/follower paradigm in my words

When I was writing the sentence…Many managers are struggling to trust that staff are being as productive…. I started writing…. are struggling to trust their staff… Then I realised I had fallen in to the leader/follower paradigm trap, it is after all so pervasive. Leadership in our culture and in many (but not all) is linked with the cult of personality. We hold up the charismatic leader as the ideal. Leadership requires strength, knowledge and decisiveness, do you agree? Are there types of people that make better leaders? Are these people somehow better than the rest of us? Are they more powerful? Are they more trustworthy? You are probably saying no. How many times then do you hear managers say their staff, when talking about the workforce in their team? How many times have you gone along with that?

In many workplaces there is parent/child (leader/follower) relationship with managers and staff. Which when it is a nurturing relationship can be quite pleasant, and staff feel loved and cared for. When I was a ward manager every Christmas I would buy the ward special Christmas food to go in the staff room. When staff were having problems they would come to me, and would put my arm around them and try to solve it for them. When things were going well it was a lovely comfortable place to work. When it was not going well things could go unresolved, until I would get annoyed then the relationship would turn from nurturing to chastising. Neither relationships promote productivity, innovation, and self efficacy. I loved my staff but I did not completely trust them to do the right thing. Much like my relationship with my children when they were younger, I loved them but I could not always trust them to play nice when I was not looking. The staff in teams though are not toddlers. Teams are mostly populated by motivated, responsible, skilled adults. If they are not, then I suggest you have a look at your recruitment processes. If they are responsible adults and therefore equal ( not in pay, but certainly in status as a Human Being), then should we not treat them like adults and trust and encourage them to make informed decisions.

The leader/leader approach

I have mentioned David Marquet before and his book Turn The Ship Around (I highly recommend it). David Marquet is a retired US Navy Submarine Captain. The book describes how he shifted his leadership style from a leader/follower approach to a leader/leader approach, and took his submarine crew from the worst rated crew in the navy to the top rated crew in the navy. In the book he describes the difficulties he encountered trying to achieve this. He experienced opposition and resistance from all angles and even struggled with his own instincts. What it shows is that if you work form the premise that the team members are capable to make decisions in their sphere of knowledge and experience, and that team members when they believe and understand the purpose of the team and buy in to that will work really hard to live up to that and achieve the goals of the team. What I find helps is seeing everybody in the team as equal members, every team member has their sphere of influence and expertise which fit together to produce the body of work for the team. The leader is there to serve the team to enable them to produce the best outcomes they can. The team are not there to serve the leader. The leader does not have ownership or patronage over the team.

The concept of the leader/leader approach is to assume that all team members have a leadership role and for the benefit of the team must be encouraged and allowed to exercise that leadership. The role of the overall leader is to keep the team on track to achieving their goals and holding the individual leaders to account for the role they play in that.

To have teams that can work effectively remotely there has to be high levels of trust through out the team. The manager must trust that team members are working hard towards achieving their goal. Team members must trust each other to show leadership in their areas of expertise and trust their managers will support them to achieve their goals.

The first step towards a leader/leader model is to shift our paradigm of leadership as a charismatic powerful individual. Leadership is a team approach.

If you want to know more about this model, Turn the Ship Around, by L.David Marquet is a great place to start.

Stay safe.

Emerging from the first wave

Whatever we have experienced in the past 3 months, I doubt many of us have experienced anything like that. As we begin to emerge or prepare to emerge from what could be the first of the pandemic, many of us are nervous and cautious about our new futures. There are a lot of questions that are unanswered and may well remain so. Many of us will be suffering from the effects of this pandemic both physically and psychologically. Living and thriving through this world of uncertainty and upheaval seems like a daunting prospect. As we any big issue seeing it in its entirety can make the idea of tackling it impossible. We have got this though, but first we have to remember, this is a game we don’t have to win, all we have to do is stay in the game.

Pay attention to what you can control

We all know it, but in times like these we can easily get caught up in stuff that we have no control over. So we have to consciously make an effort to examine what is going on in our world and sort them into three categories:

  1. What is out of our control
  2. What is within our control
  3. What is not important

Write down what is affecting you or is going on in your life on post-it notes. Write as many things down as you can. Have a rant, get it all off your chest and put them down on those notes of paper. When you have run out of things to write down, ask yourself is there something else that is hindering me at the moment? Make sure you have some spare post-it notes, as some other issues may well come up as you are sorting through all of your hindrance’s.

Now find yourself a space either on a wall, or table, even a big piece of wall paper. Divide this space into 3 sections using the titles above. Start sorting through your post-its. Initially just using 2 categories, what you can control and what you cannot.

Once you have done that concentrate on the out of your control category and take out any of them that are not important. If you are having trouble removing any, ask yourself these questions:

  • In 6 months will this still be an important issue? 
  • Does it affect me directly?

Once you have whittled down your out of control section, you can concentrate on what is yours to control. First put them in order of priority. Which of these needs to be tackled first? Then what next, what next and so on until the list is prioritised.

Now look at the bottom of the list and decide if it is important enough to spend time and energy on . Keep repeating with each one until you get to an issue that does require your attention. It is then time to start planning what you are going to do to address those issues.

Control is now beginning to shift back to you, even though there are still issues that are out of your control, you are now exercising choice, by choosing to not spend time and energy on them.

Live in the present

As the famous explorer Miles Hilton-Barber said  (and I paraphrase) we walk through life with enemies stood either side of us, our regrets of the past, and our fears for the future. If we spend too much time listening to either or both, we fail to notice and act on what is happening right now.

At the moment I find myself remembering the past, sometimes wishing I could have those times again, and sometimes wishing I had acted differently. Other times I find myself trying to make sense of a future where everything will be different. Both destinations are not terribly helpful if I spend too long in either. They can end up distorting my view of the here and now.

The only place worth being resident in is the present. The past and the future are useful as reference points to help you plan, to solve the issues you have control of in the here and now. Spending too long in those two destinations just encourages you to concentrate on issues out of your control.

The only place that actually exists is the present. The past and the future are a series of chemical reactions and electrical impulses in your brain.

Summary

Manage your personal emergence from the first wave by practicing to control only the issues that are in your power to control Accept and appreciate your past, even use it as a point of reference, to help you make plans in the here and now that may serve you well in the future. Don’t spend too long imagining your future, the only way to make the future is to act in the here and now.

20/06/2020 Antacids, antihistamines and vitamin D

Before I start my blog. Its the 20th June!! We are half way through the year!! How did that happen? I suppose it has been a hateful year and we will all be glad to see the back of it.

Anyway I have been feeling a lot better this week. Now I am not sure if it is the antihistamines and vitamin D that are working, or that I was just going to start feeling better anyway. But I am feeling better so I will take that. Also I am not sure if this need to take antacids (just Rennie) is a sign of my age or the after effects of COVID-19. Now I can work on my fitness again and start building up my daily activity.

I have noticed this week that I have had to pay attention to my emotions. I had my first moment on Monday when I received an email from the Great Manchester Run. In May I was supposed to take part in the GMR raising money for Cancer Research. Well it was initially postponed until September. That brings me back to the email, which was to inform all of us that they had decided to cancel this years event. It wasn’t a surprise, I wasn’t shocked by it. As I read the email though I had an overwhelming feeling of sadness. I was running this race to raise money for Cancer Research, is which is very close to my heart. My mum is having treatment for cancer and this was my way of doing something to help her and everyone else undergoing treatment. A cancer diagnosis makes you feel so helpless, and this was my way of having some control. For a moment this was taken from me, and I felt incredibly sad. I say for a moment because I am still going to run 10km in September, only it will just be me running around Kirk Ella, Anlaby and Willerby. I am still going to raise money and do my bit. It will not be the same, but it will be emotional all the same. I will share my giving page soon, so please feel free to sponsor me if you can.

Mum was getting some results this week (they were ok) and results weeks always heighten my anxiety, even more so now we are in lock down. Now I live in Hull and Mum lives in Chester so I never saw her frequently, but somehow having the isolation rules seem to make it much worse. I speak to her everyday and that conversation with her is the most important thing I do. It keeps me sane, it makes me feel content. We both agree it is not the same as a hug but it is the next best thing.

I am enjoying working from home, not having to commute is great. I get up have my breakfast, take the dog for a walk then start work. When I have finished I go upstairs and get changed, then that is it my day is over. I am still managing to do all that I did previously just in a different way. I am managing to coach more people as we do not have to find rooms and travel between sites. I am getting more writing done than I would normally. What I am noticing is that the incidental contact is less and the casual conversations with a wider group is not happening. This has given me a feeling of missing out this week. Then I still manage to communicate both socially and work related with my colleagues every day, especially now we are using the instant message and phone service (Cisco Jabber) meaning that I am fully connected with everyone.

I have noticed that I have been grumpy and feeling sorry for myself this week. To be honest I am willing to accept feeling a bit pants this week. Even though I have felt down in the dumps, I have managed to articulate what I was feeling. I was feeling sad and isolated from my mum, and that is a perfectly good reason to feel sorry for myself. I have also recognised that I have a conversation with her everyday and have done for over a year, so I speak to her more now than I have done since I left home 30 years ago. So I feel sad, but I have so much to be grateful for. I have also managed to take control and make a plan for completing the GMR sans Manchester. I promise I will share my giving page. In fact here is the link if you want to donate. https://fundraise.cancerresearchuk.org/page/matthews-giving-page-602

It has been an emotionally challenging week, but on reflection is full of positives.

Stay safe