03/04/2020 On the up slope

Well I have woken up this morning albeit very early starting to feel normal after 10 ten days. My cough is now infrequent and the chest pain is diminished. After I wrote yesterdays entry I felt really quite unwell and emotional. I thought I was getting worse again, and for a moment I started overthinking and scaring myself. So I spent the afternoon wallowing in my self-pity. I wasn’t a pleasant person to live with yesterday afternoon. Thankfully I feel much better today and feeling quite positive about starting back at work next week.

Today is tinged with a bit of sadness. Today would have been my niece’s wedding day. We were all looking forward to getting together as a family to celebrate Katie and Craig’s wedding. It has been over a year since all of us have been together. My brother, sister, mum, and niece and nephews all live in an around Chester, and we are over in Hull. The last time we were in Chester was before Christmas, but we did not manage to see everybody, so today would have been a chance to catch up with everybody. Its a shame but not the end of the world. Katie and Craig have postponed the wedding until the autumn. As Katie is pregnant we will have a new addition to the family and a double reason to celebrate. We have put Mum in strict quarantine until this is all over, so all will be good in the autumn, and gives us all something wonderful to look forward to.

As I have no symptoms to really speak of now, I am going to change the time of my diary entries to the afternoon or evening from now on. I did this at the beginning of this process so I could cover what my days at work had been like. So god knows how exciting tomorrows’ entry will be, describing my days moving from the front room to the kitchen, and back to the front room. Brace yourself.

I will leave you today with a reminder of how to get through each day at the moment. About a month ago I wrote a blog about how to make your organisation resilient in the face of coronavirus. It was based on the work of Diane Coutu, it works just as well for individuals and more or less sums up what I have mentioned in some of my more recent diary entries. Diane suggests to be resilient you have to possess three characteristics, and these characteristics can be worked on, we can all develop them with a bit of attention. Below is a little checklist you can use to help you remain resilient and go with the flow during these testing times.

  • Be realistic; accepting that things will not always go the way you want them or expect them to, so make plans that allow for that. Make room in your mind for the bad, distressing times, give them the space they deserve. To be happy, we have to experience sadness.
  • Have purpose; be true to what you value, understand why you do what you do. Being a parent, and working for the NHS are important to me, because they make me feel useful, which is one of my core values. Be clear what motivates you and remind yourself of that everyday. Use it as your anchor. Keep working on this, especially when you need to dig deep. I do what I do to be a valued useful member of the human race, and sometimes I have to be courageous to do that. I remind myself of that when I am struggling.
  • Be creative; there are plenty of opportunities to be creative at the moment. There are plenty of shows on the TV encouraging creativity, I noticed Jamie Oliver had a show showing us how to make meals from what we have in the cupboard. There are loads of sites on the internet doing the same. I would also encourage you to use your own imagination and come up with solutions to your own problems. What do you have that you can use differently to make life easier. If it doesn’t work, you have something to laugh about. When I have been skint over the years I am have created some dreadful meals when trying to come up with something in the cupboards, but then again I have made some great meals out of nothing. It can sometimes go back to being realistic. To get yourself in the mood for being creative, go lay down at the top of the stairs.

So there you have it, be realistic, creative and have a purpose and you will ride this storm. Hopefully most of you will be reassured that you have been doing this already. Remember you have to have all 3 characteristics to be resilient.

We’ve got this, it will pass. See you all tomorrow.

Feeling battered and bruised

Today is day 9 of my quarantine, and I am feeling better, my cough was less aggressive overnight. I now feel battered and bruised, I feel breathless and my chest really hurts this morning. It is as if I have been kicked in the chest. I can take paracetamol for the pain and I can rest to allow my lungs to recover.

Like many people though being stuck inside and being prevented from contributing to society. And I am lucky next week I can go back to work, some people will not be able to leave their homes until the restrictions are lifted. Over the past week I have inserted a few tips that I use to help me get through my days. They mostly centre around being in the moment and viewing the world differently. Sometimes though you just can’t get passed the feeling you are experiencing whether that is frustration, anger, sadness or fear. I know it has been said before, but it is true, these are all normal emotions to experience. If they are normal then it is important to allow these emotions to happen, if we try to push them away or fight them they will just get worse. The wonderful Paul McGee (The SUMO Guy) calls it hippo time, a time to wollow in our self pity. Now the thing is with hippo time is that it really shouldn’t be a permanent place of residence. It is a time to recognise the emotion you are experiencing, understand why you are experiencing it, acknowledging it and then to make a plan for the rest of the day, that will be more helpful for you. That might be laying down at the top of the stairs looking for inspiration or starting a new project. Or like me writing it down and sorting out my life on a blog.

I wrote a blog about a month ago about it being OK not to be OK about not being OK. I know there is a lot of OKs. My point is most of us a brought up to stifle and hide our feelings. If that is you, then the message is that is OK. But and there is a big but, you still have to sort through your emotions. Having quiet hippo time will help. You might not be an emotional soul like myself, so you don’t have to lay face down on your bed. Do what brings you comfort, cleaning the bathroom, digging the garden, playing music. Anything that takes you away that is useful that will let you work out your emotions. What is important is that you recognise and understand your emotions and can create the space in your mind that it deserves, so you can get back to being the wonderful you again. And in the mean time you have been productive.

We can be battered and bruised in different ways. Whether that be physical or emotional they both serve a purpose, it is important to acknowledge both if you are going to manage them effectively.

Keep safe, and stay inside, it will pass

01/04/2020 My faith in humanity is confirmed

What a truly lovely bunch of people we all are. Over the past week I have witnessed how kind and compassionate people are. I have had messages every day from people I have known for years and from people I have never met. All of them wishing me well and showing genuine concern for me. Many of them grateful for me sharing.

I am grateful to every single one of you. You have all lifted my spirits and helped me through the past week. I hope that in some way me sharing my diary is helping you.

The news is frightening, and social media is littered with misinformation and scaremongering.

So we all need moments of positivity. There is a lot of positivity on social media. Facebook has some wonderful groups that offer support for people both practically and emotionally. In fact you may be reading this blog via one of those groups. There is also plenty of content via YouTube and other streaming sites. My message to you all and me, is to grasp these offers to lift your spirits. If you are stuck at home start to be creative, and think about things differently. When my children were little I used to get them to lay down on the floor at the top of the stairs and look up. It seems a little silly, but trust me, doing this helps you change your perspective and see the world differently. The options are boundless. Try sitting on the floor in the kitchen and look around, or on the floor in front of the TV looking out at the room. You will notice things you have never seen before. It might spark some inspiration to start a new project, you might notice that you missed a bit when you were decorating. You can apply this to almost anything once you have practiced it. So if are struggling with an issue, start with changing you position within the space you are in. That might be standing up, laying down, or walking around the garden. Doing something that sparks a shift in your perspective might just help. If nothing else, it breaks up the boredom.

I hope that helps some people, I do it all the time when I am struggling to solve something.

I have not mentioned my symptoms, mainly because it is starting to bore me. I still have my cough this morning, my chest is hurting but I don’t feel as unwell today. So I will take that and hope things improve throughout the day.

So have a good day. Now go lay down at the top of the stairs and see your home from another perspective.

I have just realised what day it is. Trust me this is not an April fool it does work.

31/03/2020 Day 7 of the symptoms

It has been nearly a week since I started with symptoms. Yesterday I think was the worst day I have had. The coughing fits seemed more frequent and I was more fatigued than I have been. Last night was pretty rough too, I woke about 2 am with a cough, that just wouldn’t stop. I brought myself downstairs and then had a fitful sleep, waking again abou 5:30 coughing again. I am still coughing with a banging headache. I have a feeling today is going to get worse. The nausea has returned, and I am trying to have a warm drink.

I got through the day yesterday in part listening to playlists on Spotify. I have a few go to playlists. Both I have listed on here before, one is funk and soul that is always great to the lift the spirits. Have a look through my previous blogs to find it.

However mine and Lisa’s favourite playlists is entitled ‘My Boys’. Both my sons are in different bands. Ben is the bass player for Vialetters (if you live in Hull you may have heard of them). Jack is in a relatively new band called Speakeasy, he is the rhythm guitarist. I am biased but I think they are rather good. The amazing thing is just thinking about them makes me smile and makes the day more bearable. If you are struggling to find something positive, look for something that makes you smile. A favourite book, an old album, a musical, a comedy. Anything that makes you feel warm and fuzzy. Indulge yourself in it. Make sure you find something everyday to make you smile. Be creative, the Internet is a wonderful place for finding old favourites. I sometimes search you tube for old clips and songs.

In the mean time here is my play list to make you smile.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7g2x8tgl0Bo1ERPdkhTKvP?si=ZWKPc62eQ4S-_a1sjTByOw

30/03/2020 Well yesterday was pretty rubbish

I mentioned yesterday that day 5 is apparently the peak. I hope it was, I don’t fancy repeating that again.

After I wrote my entry yesterday I went back to bed and slept though to the afternoon. I had coughing fits all day, and felt generally awful. Now I know I am getting a mild version of this virus. I can still manage to eat and drink and I am managing to stay at home. Want I want to be clear is that I am not feeling sorry for myself, but what I want to do is to highlight what it feels like to have the symptoms of this virus and how important it is to isolate and not spread this virus. Even at it’s mildest it is really quite rubbish, and we know for a significant number of people it is deadly. So please stay at home.

I was hoping that today I would be feeling a lot better. Maybe I was being a little unrealistic. My chest is tight and is really hurting. My cough overnight seem better, but is back with a vengeance this morning. My head feels hot and it feels like I have pins sticking into my scalp. Most of all I feel beaten up. Maybe this is just the last throws of the virus and I will start feeling better this afternoon.

Obviously at the moment I am sat or laying on my sofa staring out of the window, and I am noticing how many people I have never seen before are walking down my street. Now it is wonderful that people are taking exercise, but I think we all need to think about how far we are walking and how necessary all these trips are. We have to remember why we are being asked to stay at home. This is to slow and eventually stop the progress of this virus. So looking for loopholes in rules to try and get out as frequently as you can is working against this. If you have an elderly or vulnerable relative or neighbour then please stay in for them. If you keep looking for excuses to go out you are putting them at risk, maybe not straight away but maybe 6 months down the line. I know it takes a mindset shift that is not easy. The stark question you need to ask yourself is; what is more important you going for a stroll or someone’s life? If you stay in you will be saving not just one life but potentially hundreds of lives.

This has taken me ages to write so I am going to sign off now. Stay inside, stay safe, save a life.

29/03/20 This is day 5, apparently it peaks at day 5

Yesterday I felt bored. I managed to watch 4 films and was bored out of my skull. This I my book was a good thing. This meant I was feeling better, which meant I was nearer recovering and getting back to work.

So day 5 wasn’t going to be so bad after all.

Well so far so bad I woke up coughing over an hour ago with a pounding head and I have not stopped coughing since.

I wanted to write something just in case I feel worse later. If I feel better later I will write another entry otherwise I will catch up with you all tomorrow when I will be over the worst and a day nearer getting back to work.

Stay safe everyone.

28/03/20 Boris, Disney, and coughing

Well it turns out I have something in common with Boris. Get well soon Boris and Matt. This disease does feel like a juggernaut relentlessly rumbling around the world in an unstoppable wave of destruction. The only way to beat this is to stay inside as much as you can. Reducing contact reduces the ability for the virus to spread.

That brings me to Disney, in a feverish haze the other day I signed up for Disney+ for a bit of escapism. Since then I have been watching Marvel films. What we need are our own Avengers to kill off this virus. Maybe that is the answer all of us can be our own Avengers. It is time for us all to pull together and fight it. The most heroic thing to do is do nothing, stay at home. If you have kids who are struggling to stay in, play to their sense of justice and community. If they stay in they are saving the planet. If they are little dig out or make up their super hero outfit. Give everyone in your house a super hero name. So come on let’s do this let’s save the plant and be our own super heroes. Mine is Wheezy the Coughing Crusader.

An update on my symptoms, yesterday morning was awful, my temp was up and felt dreadful. By the afternoon I started to feel better and since then I have had waves of coughing and high temperature. Thankfully these waves only last minutes rather than hours. Overnight I developed a new symptom of nausea overnight. I am only day 4, but I do feel I am improving. Onwards and upwards.

Remember let’s all be our own super hero. So from Wheezy The Coughing Crusader “Avengers Assemble”

27/03/2020 Sunshine, applause, and gratitude

Wasn’t that emotional last night? I stood on the back step as Lisa and the boys were at the front door and I didn’t want to get too close. For those of you that know me you wont be surprised that I shed a tear.

In October last year I gave up my Nursing registration to concentrate on my role as Coaching Lead and Organisational Development Practitioner (I’m gonna need a bigger badge). On Friday night I applied to go back on emergency register. I am now waiting for the email from the NMC telling me I am back on. Last night I knew I had done the right thing. When this virus leaves me I can then get back to work, initially supporting my colleagues on the helpline and as part of the psycho-social support offer. I know that I can go to the wards and work alongside my clinical colleagues when I need to.

I am now on day three of the symptoms and each day it gets worse. The cough seems less evident but I have no energy and it feels like someone has been jumping on my chest. Breathing is hard work, in the respect I have never really noticed my breathing before, but now I am having work a little harder to open up my lungs. When I do cough it is dry, rasping and hurts like hell. This is apparently mild. So if you do not need to go out please stay in. If you get this, boy will you know about it, and if you give this to someone you love who is vulnerable, you will make them very ill and worse still they could die. I look at my family and feel so guilty that they may start getting ill in the next few days.

Just a short one today, I am not feeling to good.

Speak to you all tomorrow.

Stay In, Stay safe, Save a life.

Keep being kind, compassionate and lovable.

26/03/20 Day 2 of quarantine and appreciating all the compassion there is around us

Only the dog was willing to be in the photograph.

Yesterday I started with a persistent cough. That persistent cough has now changed into waves of coughing fits and spikes in temperature. So I fluctuate from feeling OK to feeling really unwell, which is irritating to say the least. My chest is killing me due to all the coughing. On top of that watching the news is making me feel guilty and I want to get back to work to support my friends. Saying that it looks like it might be worse soon so I will be busy when I get back and will be immune.

On a positive note I finished my assignment this morning for my exec coaching course, and submitted it a day early, just in case I am too poorly tomorrow. The sun is shining and Holly (my dog in the picture) has been able to get out in the garden so has not been a pain about not going for a walk.

We had a lovely surprise today when a friend dropped off a bag of food for us. The best thing was it had biscuits and bacon in it. What was especially touching was that they did this on their wedding anniversary. They are truly a special couple, and we were really touched by their kindness. I have witnessed some wonderful acts of kindness over the past couple of weeks.

This afternoon I am resting on the sofa reading a book on leadership and thinking about what we can learn about our leadership in the NHS during this crisis. One thing I am noticing is that the staff in our Trust at all levels are doing things that a few weeks ago would have been considered impossible. This pandemic is highlighting that there are some exceptional leaders throughout the Trust. We need to take note of what we have achieved and learn from it.

25/03/2020 How I spent my day off today

I have had this annual leave day planned for a while. Well a month or two. As many others I had one day left to take before the end of March.

My assignment is due in for my coaching and mentoring course on Friday so as a last minute Larry I decided to do it today and tomorrow.

Well I woke up this morning with a little tickle in my throat. This was at 5:30 this morning. I got up to let the dog out for a wee, and that was when the coughing started. I was stood in the kitchen coughing, trying to decide if this was it or not, and trying to wake up. The coughing just got worse. At one point I couldn’t stop. Then is subsided, Lisa got up and we had a discussion about me being a worry wort. I said to myself I would give myself another 30 minutes. I desperately did not want to declare it as COVID 19 symptoms and lock Lisa and the boys into the house for 2 weeks. It didn’t stop it kept going. By 7 I had to admit I had the symptoms. I feel well other than the cough, and the headache, painful throat and painful chest. So I rang the telephone line I had manned the day before and condemned myself to 7 days isolation and 14 days for my family.

I felt and feel guilty that they cannot go out. We then let everybody know who needed to. We have some wonderful friends and colleagues who have offered to support us. My boss Lucy is dropping off some essential supplies later.

In between my coughs I have started writing my assignment and have managed to get 2/3rds of it done. I am knackered no so will finish it in the morning. Lisa who is fine at the moment is making the most of the sun and is tidying the back garden. The boys are composing music in between taking the micky out of their Dad.

Hopefully this is as bad as it gets and I can get some work done from home.

Once again I want to thank our wonderful friends and colleagues who have offered to get supplies for us, you are all heroes.

Depending on levels of excitement I may not submit and entry tomorrow for fear of boring the socks off you all. Stay safe stay at home, keep busy and keep you spirits up.