Yesterday we took Jack to Manchester, he has gone a month early to settle in an look for a job before he starts his studies in September. He will be sharing a house with his big brother who goes into his 2nd year. Surprisingly it was a lovely day. We spent the afternoon with both our boys around the centre of Manchester, before taking them shopping and then heading home, so they could watch the Charity Shield. It was lovely to spend some quality time as a family all 4 of us, something we have not done since lockdown.
On the journey back myself and Lisa were reflecting on parenthood, and Lisa pointed out parenthood is so full on and how we spend so much energy preparing for the next stage, when they are babies you look forward to weaning, then walking and talking and then pottie training. The next is nursery then school, then riding a bike, then high school, then GCSEs then A levels, then work or university. Then that is it, they have gone.
The house seems so big this morning. I remember my mum telling me how she felt when I left home, as a if her right arm had been cut off. I feel a bit numb, I am not quite sure how to explain how I feel. I am so immensely proud of both my boys. I know Jack is more than capable and him and Ben are going to get the most out of living in Manchester and I am excited for them, at the same time I miss having them around the house. Ben has been gone a while, but I am really going to miss the chats me and Jack have about music ( Jack has expanded my knowledge and taste in music immensely), and football.
I have not been as emotional as I thought I would, apart from yesterday morning, I stood in our dining room looking at all the pictures of us as a family over the years that are on display in there, and a wave of sadness came over me, and had a little cry to mark the day passing of an era and the beginning of a new one. That is I suppose the reason why I don’t feel as emotional today. The sadness would just be for me wanting my boys to stay young. This is really at odds with the purpose of parenthood, which is to create adults that contribute to society. We have achieved that, so rather than sadness I feel pride and excitement when I think of their achievements and what they will achieve in the future.
As I keep talking about making changes in your lifestyle, and the importance of a plan and then having a clear reason why to get through the difficult days, I thought I might share my personal challenge. On Monday 10th of August I vowed that I would embark on losing weight down to a healthy weight. I am really aiming to do this over a year as I have a lot to lose. I have a clear image of what I want to be and feel like rather than focusing on the loss of weight. I have a compelling vision that I have drawn on already. As some days I feel pretty miserable. So far I have lost nearly a stone. But there is a long way to go and there will be days when it does not work out but I have a clear vision of being healthy and being well and happy is age more appealing than a cream cake. Change is hard, the first thing to do is to be very clear what you want achieve and why you want to achieve it.
If I am honest I feel quite vulnerable sharing this story but, I am convinced I will succeed and wanted to share that you can make changes to your lifestyle and mindset.
To get started is never easy and that is where coaching can really help. A coach will help you decide on whether the change in lifestyle is right for you, then help you shift your mindset from one that is entrenched in your status quo to a mindset that is prepared to view your world with a transformational eye. Once you have shifted you mindset it is far easier to see your goal in front of you.
If you keep trying and failing to change your lifestyle, send me a message and we can start shifting how you see your world.
Episode 2 of my Connected Living podcast is now available via Spotify.
In this episode we explore the how I use Martin Seligman’s PERMA to manage my well-being and how I use the stress bucket to keep a check on my stress levels. You can stream it now via Spotify by following the link below.
I have decided to jump into the podcast world and publish regular podcasts based on connected living. Each episode will concentrate on an element of connected living. I will along the way be collecting stories from people that may relate to each episode from those around me. So if you have a story you want to share please let me know. So here is the first introductory episode, which just lays out what the idea of the podcast is. Please share with your friends.
On Monday morning I felt ashamed, to be honest I have held this shame for quite some time, this has been the motivator and blocker for my sporadic running and attempts at healthy eating. I weighed myself on Monday morning and felt an enormous sense of shame.
The thing is with shame that it dis-empowers us, shame makes the assumption that you are somehow flawed and are unable to change. Last Monday as I stood in the bathroom I felt weak, useless, and so, so sad. You may remember my Doctor last year told me I was pre-diabetic, and I needed to take action. Well I had failed. I could feel the shame taking hold. I had a choice whilst stood in the bathroom, I could bury the shame and carry on, or I could face it. I chose to face it, face the discomfort. I decided to sit with the uncomfortable embarrassment, and focus on what I was going to do about it.
A few people I know around my age had taken action and lost weight. This gave me the spur to do something. If they have done it, then so can I. This gave me a mental picture of what I want to see myself. This gave me my starting point. I am now in the process of shifting that shame to being accountable. Now I know that I am accountable for the choices I make, when I thinking rationally, however I do not always think rationally. That is why I am in the process of shifting shame, I have to consciously check myself when my reptilian and mammalian minds kick in that they are not always working in my best interest. I have downloaded an app to track what I am eating and how much I weigh, that along with my qualitative goal. I have given myself six months to look and feel the way I want to feel.
Shame is a powerful emotion and at the moment it is a constant struggle to resist the urge to suppress these feelings and tell myself that I will always be fat and unhealthy so just accept it. My rational mind knows this is not the case, I am accountable for the choices I make, and I can choose to have a different lifestyle if that is what I want.
I have blogged about my health and weight before, this has been my blind-spot. I suppose I have never really, truly wanted to face it. I have built a habit of retreating back to the comfort zone of eating rubbish. I have a goal for me that is more attractive and compelling than crisps and biscuits. It is however going to be difficult, and I am certain I will have failures on the way. This time I am prepared for them and will no longer fall into the shame trap of believing that those failures are proof that I am not strong enough to achieve my goal.
If this has inspired you and you want to talk about how you can set your goals that will be meaningful for you, get in touch to arrange a remote coaching session.
When you are about to embark on a change do you ever wish that you could click your fingers and you could suddenly transported to your new beginning?
It never happens does it?
No matter what the change is we have to leave the old way behind and start to move over to the new way.
This is rarely smooth and is often a painful process, sometimes we are so unprepared for the difficulty and pain that the change never happens and we drift back to the old way of doing things. Now if it is just you involved in the change it can be at best disappointing, however if others are involved or it is part of a bigger project the consequences can be far reaching and devastating.
Some changes will just happen regardless whether we want them to or not. The changes to our way of life at the moment are out of our control. But we still have to leave the old way of doing things and navigate to our new normal.
Drawing on the work of William Bridges, Brené Brown, Simon Sinek and Steve Peters I will help you navigate your way through the transitions you are experiencing.
Connected Coaching 